How Could I NOT Want This Day to Come? Updated on May 25, 2024, Ten Years Later

Dear Friends, I originally wrote this post ten years ago today, May 25, 2014, on the day that our precious son Matthew entered heaven's gates. Since that day we have grieved over the loss of his presence in our lives, but we have rejoiced in knowing where he is and that we will see him again some day. Since that day at lot has changed in our lives...we are all ten years older, and getting closer to heaven's gates ourselves.  One day we will experience what Matthew has already been enjoying for these past ten years. I am certain he will be at the gates with Jesus, ready to welcome us "home". Who knows? Maybe he has even had a part in helping to build our "mansion" in heaven...he always loved to draw house plans...but that house will be built with materials that last for eternity...no need of paint or plumbing or new roof shingles there...and no need for any more "good-byes".   Yes, we miss him here oh so much, but I wouldn't call him back to earth for anything. He is living where the roses never fade and the body never grows old again. I look forward to that day.  But until then,  we carry on with our lives and try to live the way Christ leads us to live. I pray that our lives will always reflect His great love.

Here is the original post written ten years ago:

Sunday, May 25th, 2014.  The Day I hoped would never come...but wait! I take that back!  Just shortly after midnight our wonderful son Matthew Everette Steiner passed from this life into eternity after a lengthy battle with a rare and aggressive cancer.  He was exactly 41 years and 3 months old today. For the past four years he has fought valiantly against this horrific foe...and today...well, today he is no longer fighting.  The battle is over. It is finished.  How could I NOT want this day to come?

Today begins an exciting new chapter in the life of Matthew Everette Steiner.  I repeat his full name...as it is a name that is ringing throughout the halls of heaven today!  As soon as Matthew took his last breath here on earth, he gulped a breath of celestial air for the first time...and began his adventure in paradise.  When he crossed over the threshold of those pearly gates, I believe there was a shout and there were victory dancers surrounding him as he was escorted through the streets of gold by the holy angels themselves.  The saints of old were lining the streets, cheering and waving, calling out his name and welcoming him HOME.  Yes, HOME...home at last.  He was greeted and hugged by his grandparents and friends and ancestors who have gone on before...and then, best of all, he was presented to the One Who Died for him...his Savior and Lord, Jesus Christ Himself.

Oh, how I would have loved to have been a little birdie on the wall watching this amazing event!  I would so love to have had just a glimpse of the joy on my precious son's face as he met Jesus face to face. To see him running and leaping through those jewel lined streets...strong and healthy and completely well!  No more sickness, no more fear, no more dying... Set free and totally healed...never to suffer ever again.

Yes, I am sad. I will miss this laughing, happy, fun loving child of mine.  I already miss hearing his voice. I am overcome with tears as waves of memories assail me frequently without warning. I am grieving for this great loss to our family and to his own sweet wife and son. There are no words that can describe what I am feeling adequately...but these word pictures do help me visualize the joy that he is experiencing...and I need to remember that.  My son is whole again...no more dying there...he is worshiping the King of Kings...and singing praises with the angels in glory. Again I ask, "How could I NOT want this day to come?"

Matthew Everette Steiner...before the cancer struck him
Healthy and whole...the way I expect he is today in heaven

Lind to a previous post, with more links to other posts about Matthew's life.

"Trust His Heart"

Lately I've been having a lot of "conversations with God" about the health situation of our son Matthew.
Click Here for "Conversations With God"  In looking back over the past four years, I realized that this has been a recurring theme throughout my blog writing.  Click Here for "A Prayer for Our Son" from October, 2012.  There are several more such postings, but I won't list them all for you here. I think you get the message.

We are praying for the healing of our son, even though the doctors have now given up hope for any further treatment plan that could be of any help to him.  They have actually said the words out loud that, at best, he only has three or four more months to live.*   Even though we've known in our minds that things were not looking very hopeful, hearing it spoken out loud has a way of slapping you in the face and punching you right in the gut, knocking all the wind out of your spirit.
(*A few days after this writing the Doctor changed that to prognosis to weeks instead of months...)

Many of our friends and loved ones have offered prayers and words of comfort and encouragement, for which we are extremely grateful. Knowing that others are standing in the gap for us is a great comfort. Many have also thoughtfully and lovingly offered suggestions of getting a second opinion, trying a different cancer treatment center, seeking other forms of healing through eating certain foods, vitamins, reading books written by people who claim to know the secret to healing cancer that is found in the Bible. (If there was a cure for cancer in the Bible, I don't think God would keep it a secret, nor would He make us pay some man who thinks he discovered it to tell us about it...but that's just my opinion).  

Although we appreciate everyone's concern and thoughts and attempts to find an answer, I have to say that it would appear that most of man's attempts to cure our son have already been tried and have failed.  For four years our son has sought wisdom from the very best experts in the field of treatment for this particular type of rare and aggressive cancer. He has followed through with every option that seemed reasonable for him.  We are extremely thankful that what treatment he has received has allowed him to survive these four years so that he could be a loving son, husband and father, and enjoy watching his son grow and mature into his teenage years.  Many others with this same type of cancer have not had lasting positive results even though they desperately sought further treatments, surgeries, and other opinions. (Click here for info on DSRCT)

We are not giving up hope.  But we are at a point where we realize that man's wisdom and authority is very limited indeed.  Although it has always been up to God to determine the course of our son's life, it is even more so now.  Man has had his opportunity and has had to withdraw from the fight. It is completely and clearly up to God now.

This reminds me of some verses we read this morning in our devotions from Psalm 33:16-22 ~

"No king is saved by the 

multitude of an army;

A mighty man is not delivered by great strength.

A horse is a vain hope for safety;

Neither shall it deliver any by its great strength.

Behold, the eye of the Lord is on those who fear Him,

On those who hope in His mercy,

To deliver their soul from death,

and to keep them alive in famine.

Our soul waits for the Lord;

He is our help and our shield.

For our heart shall rejoice in Him,

Because we have trusted in His holy name.

Let Your mercy, O Lord, be upon us,

Just as we hope in You."

In a message we recently received from an old friend who was a former parishioner in one of the churches my husband pastored, she reminded us of a song that my husband and I sang as a duet one Sunday.  This was a song that was shared with us by a woman whose husband was dying from a brain tumor.  It was also at the same time as our son, Matthew (yes, the same one we are praying for now), who was only 18 at the time, was having surgery to remove a brain tumor. (Click Here for this story: God's Perfect Timing)   She gave us a tape of some music that was very meaningful for her during that difficult time, and thought it would bring hope and encouragement to us.  It did.   And still does.  Here are the words to that song. You might find it helpful in whatever current trial you may be experiencing in your life.  It is entitled, "Trust His Heart".

"All things work for our good, though sometimes we can't see how they could.

Struggles that break our hearts in two sometimes blind us to the truth.

Our Father knows what's best for us, His ways are not our own.

So when your pathway grows dim, and you just can't see Him,

Remember you're never alone.

Chorus:

God is too wise to be mistaken

God is too good to be unkind.

So when you don't understand,

When you don't see His plan,

When you can't trace His hand

TRUST HIS HEART.

He sees the master plan, 

He holds our future in His hands

So don't live as those who have no hope

All our hope is found in Him.

We see the present clearly

But He sees the first and the last

And like a tapestry

He's weaving you and me

To someday be just like Him.

(Chorus)

He alone is faithful and true.  He alone knows what is best for you.

So when you don't understand,

When you don't see His plan

When you can't trace His hand

TRUST HIS HEART."

(Words and music by Babbie Mason and Eddie Carswell, 1989)

Please keep praying for this precious family.
Thank you.

"And when you don't understand,
When you don't see His plan,
When you can't trace His hand,
TRUST HIS HEART."

That's what I am trying to do.

Conversations With God

Today has been a day that I hoped would never come. This morning our son, who has been battling cancer for four years, received the news from his doctor that we prayed he would never have to hear.  After several days in the hospital, and four years of fighting with every treatment plan available for this particular rare disease, (DSRCT) the oncologist told my son that they have done everything possible for him.  There is no other reasonable treatment option left that they could recommend.  And with that being said, he told him that under the present circumstances he could only expect to live another three or four months at the most.

So I've been having some "conversations with God" today.  Not just prayers, although there have been plenty of them going up.  No, these are conversations, only perhaps more like monologues, since I haven't heard God's response audibly.  That doesn't mean He isn't listening or responding.  I know He is doing both. His response is in subtle ways within my heart and soul. I know He hears me, and I know He cares.  But I'm still asking the questions and telling God what's on my heart.

I've been reminding God all day about all the ways He has already rescued our son from serious illnesses and accidents. Click Here for those stories.

I've even had the audacity to ask Him just what does He expect to accomplish by allowing our son to die at the age of 41, when he has a wife and a 14 year old son to raise?

 I want to know how God will be glorified through the death of our son.  With all due respect to God, I am the mother of this wonderful son, and I think I deserve an answer.

Even David the King had feelings like this:

I cried out to You, O Lord;

and to the Lord I made supplication:

"What profit is there in my blood,

When I go down to the pit?

Will the dust praise You?

Will it declare Your truth?

Hear, O Lord, and have mercy on me;

Lord, be my helper!"

(Psalm 30:8-10)

I'm not complaining or demanding...just asking.  I'm not angry with God...but I want to understand His plan. I feel a little bit like Mary, the mother of Jesus...pondering all these things in my heart. (Luke 2:19)  Not that I am comparing my son to Jesus, but I'm comparing myself to Mary, a mother, who loved her Son, and didn't fully comprehend all the things that happened to Him.

Click here for previous post from last fall on this topic

Is it wrong to question God? I don't believe so.  I think He understands.  I KNOW He understands.

"The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous,

And His ears are open to their cry."

Psalm 34:15

"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears,

and delivers them out of all their troubles.

The Lord is near to those who

have a broken heart,

and saves such as have a 

contrite spirit."

Psalm 34:17-18

"Sing praise to the Lord,

you saints of His,

and give thanks at the

remembrance of His holy name.

For His anger is but for a moment,

His favor is for life;

Weeping may endure for a night,

But Joy comes in the morning."

Psalm 30:4-5

I know we have some difficult days ahead of us.  There will be weeping...but I also know that the day will come when we will have joy again.

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness,

To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.

O Lord my God,

I will give thanks to You forever."

Psalm 30:11-12

"But as for me, I trust in You, O Lord;

I say, "You are my God."

My times are in Your hand..."

Psalm 31:14-15a

"Be of good courage,

and He shall strengthen your heart,

All you who hope in the Lord."

Psalm 31:24

"Hear my cry, O God;

Attend to my prayer.

From the end of the earth I will cry to You,

When my heart is overwhelmed;

Lead me to the rock that is higher than I."

Psalm 61:1-2

Amen.

The conversations are not over, I am certain.  But I have comfort and peace within my heart tonight. 

"God has spoken once,

Twice I have heard this;

That power belongs to God.

Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy..."

Psalm 62:11-12

Autumn Reflections and Reality Checks

I feel so far behind in my writing and reading of other blogs that I enjoy...please forgive me, friends, for not commenting and communicating.  As many of you know, we were on vacation last week, visiting our son and his family in Maine, and then when I got home I had to play catch up at work and here at home. Still trying to climb out from under the dust and laundry and mail, well, you know how it is.  You need a vacation to recover from your vacation!  I'll get there eventually, but some things just have to be set aside and overlooked for now.

Therefore I would like to reflect a bit on the journey I've been traveling for the past few weeks.  I am calling this "Autumn Reflections and Reality Checks".    First for the Autumn reflection part:

Yes, this is a real picture of a real place.  It was so serene and tranquil, I told my son to stop the car immediately and pull over so I could take a picture!  My family became rather accustomed to these sudden outbursts as we traveled through the woods and mountains of the White Mountain National Park in Maine and New Hampshire. Unfortunately, there weren't always great places to pull over and/or the traffic was such that it wasn't safe to do so as quickly as I wanted, but we did manage to capture a few great pictures.

I won't bore you with a travelogue of our entire trip, but suffice it to say, the scenery was magnificent...and the company was even greater.  We were there to celebrate our grandson's 14th birthday and spend time with our middle son and his family. We live in Florida, so the visits with this part of our family are way too few and far between.

And that brings me to the "reality check" part of the journey.

You see, our son has cancer. He is in the fourth year of this battle against the rare "childhood cancer", Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor, (DSRCT) that hit him when he was 37, and the reality is, he's not getting better. I guess you could say he's "maintaining"...not exactly getting worse, but not improving either. And unless someone comes up with a cure or a better treatment plan, he can't stay doing what he's doing for much longer.  Chemo is poison...and although its purpose is to kill the cancer cells, it also kills good cells, and after a while the body just can't take any more of it. Other parts of the body start breaking down and there is even the possibility that other forms of cancer could develop. So it isn't a winning proposition.  Without a miracle, the future is not very bright.  I've had to face this reality, and it isn't pleasant. It hurts deeply. I don't want to think about it...I want to ignore it and hope it will go away, but that's not being realistic. I have to acknowledge the reality that my son is not getting better and that we could actually lose him.  But we are not without hope.

While driving to work one day this week, I listened on the radio (JoyFM) to a portion  of a message from Pastor Francis Chan, who was speaking at a conference for high school and college young people.  Here is the full message: Francis Chan, "God is Faithful" from Passion 2013 Conference, if you want to listen.  The part that I heard that struck me was found around the 26.00 section on the progress bar of the video.  He played a clip from a friend of his, a radio show host, who was talking about death and does man actually have a soul, and how our bodies are just the earthly container that holds our real self, our soul, our spirit...the part that lives on for eternity.  The example this man gave was that he drove a motorcycle, and that he knew that at anytime on the freeway a vehicle could drift over into his lane and cut him off and he could be killed instantly...but he was saying that if that were to happen not to grieve for that broken bag of bones left on the freeway, because that is not the real person, that's just his body.  The real person is the soul, which goes immediately to be with the Lord in heaven.  The amazing part of this story was that just 3 hours after this man made this statement on the radio, he got on his motorcycle and headed down the freeway, and the exact thing he spoke about happened to him.  He was struck and killed that very day.

None of us are guaranteed any number of days or years upon this earth. Only God knows the number of our days. Psalm 139:13-16 tells us that God formed us in our mother's wombs, and that He has known us since we were "skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth."

Verse 16 says, "Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them."  

II Corinthians 5:1 tells us that "if our earthly house, this tent, is destroyed, we have a building from God, a house not made with hands, eternal in the heavens."

Verse 2: "For in this we groan, earnestly desiring to be clothed with our habitation which is from heaven."

Verse 4: "For we who are in this tent groan, being burdened, not because we want to be unclothed, but further clothed, that mortality may be swallowed up by LIFE." (MEANING: ETERNAL LIFE).

Verse 5:  "Now He who has prepared us for this very thing is God, Who also has given us the Spirit as a guarantee."

Verse 6:  "So we are always confident, knowing that while we are at home in the body we are absent from the Lord."

Verse 7: "For we walk by faith, not by sight."

Verse 8: "We are confident, yes, well pleased rather to be absent from the body and to be present with the Lord."

Verse 9:  "Therefore we make it our aim, whether present or absent, to be well pleasing to Him..."

Our hope is in the Lord, who made heaven and earth, and Who created us in His image.

II Corinthians 5:17 tells us, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new."

We have this hope in Christ Jesus. We know that our son is a child of God, a follower of Christ. We are confident that if he were to die today, he would immediately be in the presence of God, in heaven.

Philippians 1:21 says, "For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain."  

I know, you are probably saying that it's easy to say all these things now, while he is yet living. But what will you say when that day really comes?

I sincerely pray that day will not come for many years. But the reality is, it could happen any time...to any of us. Those of us who are healthy could be like the man on the motorcycle...perfectly safe and healthy one minute and even talking about it...and go out on the highway and be struck dead in a moment...or have a heart attack...or some other disaster could hit us.  The important thing is to be ready. Always ready.  And to realize that this earthly temple is not the real me, or you. The REAL me will live eternally. So will my son. I can live with that reality.

What about you? Do you have that same hope and confidence? If not, perhaps you needed this reality check as well.  I hope you will think about these things today...and seek God while there is yet time. He loves you and would love to introduce you to His Son. If you need some help with this...let me know. Maybe I can help you find the answers you are seeking.  It would be my pleasure to do so.

He Knows My (Your) Name

It's June 1st, 2013.  I always consider June to be the middle of the year...the 6th month...and 6 more to go.  It seems the older I get, the faster these days, weeks, months, years seem to fly by.  I find myself evaluating my life...my year's goals, my life's goals...and wondering how or IF I will ever accomplish the things I had hoped to accomplish before I get too old to do anything else.  Does anyone else do that? Do YOU?

I find myself dreaming about the day that I can retire, and I hope that I will be able to fulfill the aspirations and plans that I've pondered and looked forward to with so much anticipation.

Ahhh, retirement at last....someday...
(photo from
internet...no credits given)

 However, the reality is, when I finally do retire, there will most likely not be the kind of income that is required to accomplish much beyond day to day existence. (If even THAT).  I don't like to think about that possibility, but I have to face reality someday.




During these past couple of weeks quite a few people in Oklahoma and Missouri and other parts of the mid-west have had to face the reality of having their homes, businesses, schools, and possibly even family members swept away in a moment's time in a horrendous tornado and/or flood. Retirement is the farthest thing from their minds now.  They just want to survive the next day, recover some pieces of their belongings, gather their family back together, and try to rebuild their lives.
 It makes my goals and aspirations look rather shallow.  I find myself feeling guilty that I have so much when others have lost everything. There really isn't a lot I can do to help them, except to give a little money towards the disaster relief effort.  

I have continued to pray for these people whom I do not know, but God knows them by name and knows their every need.  As a matter of fact, last evening I could not keep my eyes off of the news as we watched storm after

storm race across Oklahoma City and on up to St. Louis and surrounding areas. I found myself crying out and praying over and over again, "Lord, please keep these families safe. Turn these storms away, and cause them to dissipate without causing so much harm."

 I didn't think I knew anyone there, but I discovered on Facebook today that one of the families that I've become acquainted with was actually hunkered down in their basement while the storms passed too close for comfort. I don't know if my prayers helped or not, but I praise God that He steered the storms away from them.  They have recently endured too much tragedy in the loss of one of their precious little boys to a vicious childhood cancer, DSRCT...the same disease my 40 year old son Matthew is currently battling. Now I understand why I couldn't keep away from the TV last night, and why I felt compelled to keep praying. Our families share a common bond, even though we have never met...God knows their name...and He heard my prayers.

Click on this link "He Knows My Name"...a song that speaks words of such comfort to me...

"I have a Maker

He formed my heart

Before even time began

My life was in his hands

I have a Father

He calls me His own

He'll never leave me

No matter where I go

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

And He hears me when I call"

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/t/tommy_walker/

My friend, if you are going through difficult days, trauma, disasters, loss, anxiety about your future...I want you to know this One Who knows YOUR name...He is God, Our Father.  He is Jesus Christ, Our Savior.  He is The Holy Spirit, Our Comforter.  He knows your name.  He knows your every thought.  He sees each tear that falls, and He hears you when you call.  Before time began your life was in His hands...

"For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother's womb.

I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,

and that my soul knows very well.

My frame was not hidden from You,

When I was made in secret,

and skillfully wrought in the lowest

parts of the earth.

Your eyes saw my substance, 

being yet unformed,

And in Your book they all were written,

The days fashioned for me,

When as yet there were none of them."  

Psalm 139: 13-16

(Read all of Psalm 139 to get the whole story of how well God knows you and loves you)

After so much bad news here recently, I'd say that's pretty wonderful news, don't you?

A Prayer for Our Son

Prayers and Thoughts for Our Son Matthew

The parent cries out before the Lord on behalf of the child:

"For the Lord God is a sun and shield;

The Lord will give grace and glory;

No good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly.  O Lord of hosts, Blessed is the man who trusts in You!"

Psalm 84:11-12

"In the day of my trouble I will call upon You,

For You will answer me."

Psalm 86:7

"He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High

Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord,

'He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.'

Surely He shall deliver you

from the snare of the fowler

and from the perilous pestilence.

He shall cover you with His feathers,

And under His wings you shall take refuge;

His truth shall be your shield and buckler."

Psalm 91:1-4

God says this regarding His child: (and we claim this on behalf of our son by faith)

"Because he has set his love upon Me,

therefore I will deliver him;

I will set him on high, because

he has known My name.

He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble;

I will deliver him and honor him.

With long life I will satisfy him,

and show him My salvation."

Psalm 91:14-16

The Child of God Gives Praise:

"Bless the Lord, O my soul;

and all that is within me,

bless His holy Name!

Bless the Lord, O my soul,

and forget not all His benefits;

Who forgives all your iniquities,

Who heals all your diseases,

Who redeems your life from destruction,

Who crowns you with lovingkindness

and tender mercies,

Who satisfies your mouth with good things,

So that your youth is renewed

like the eagle's."

Psalm 103:1-5

"But the mercy of the Lord is

from everlasting to everlasting

on those who fear Him,

and His righteousness to

children's children,

To such as keep His covenant,

and to those who remember

His commandments to do them."

Psalm 103:17-18

"Praise the Lord!

Blessed is the man who fears the Lord,

Who delights greatly in His commandments."

Psalm 112:1

"He will not be afraid of evil tidings;

His heart is steadfast,

trusting in the Lord."

Psalm 112:7

"You are my God, and I will praise You;

You are my God, I will exalt You."

"Oh, give thanks to the Lord,

for He is good!

For His mercy endures forever."

Psalm 118: 28-29

The Parent of the Child Said:

"I will extol You, my God,

O King;

And I will bless Your name forever and ever.

Every day I will bless You,

and I will praise Your name forever and ever.

Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised;

and His greatness is unsearchable.

One generation shall praise

Your works to another,

and shall declare Your mighty acts.

I will meditate on the

glorious splendor of Your majesty,

and on Your wondrous works."

Psalm 145: 1-5

"The Lord is near to all who call upon Him,

to all who call upon Him in truth.

He will fulfill the desire of those who fear Him;

He also will hear their cry and save them.

The Lord preserves all who love Him."

Psalm 145:18-20a.

We pray this and claim this by faith, Dear Lord, on behalf

of our precious son. He is Your child; You only lent him to us for a season. We will trust in You to do what is right in Your sight on his behalf...and on behalf of his dear wife and son.  Bring healing to him, Lord, if it please You.  Have mercy upon him, and give him strength and power from on High.

We commit him to You, in Jesus' Name.

Amen.

Nicole, Noah, and Matthew

A recent post that will give some background to this prayer :  Home Again-Home Again-Jiggety-Jig

Although the news was not real encouraging from the Dr. today,

we are trusting in God to

continue the work that He has begun in Matthew's life. We will continue to praise our Lord and Saviour, even in the face of discouragement.  God is in control. 

"My mouth shall speak the praise of the Lord,

and all flesh shall bless His Holy Name

Forever and ever." Psalm 145:21

Amen.

Home Again, Home Again jiggety jig...

How do you feel when you have traveled far and return home again? Happy? A little sad? Tired? Wishing you never had to come back? Wishing you'd never gone?  I guess it depends on the circumstances of the journey...but I'm certain we have all experienced each of the above emotions at one time or another in our life's travels. 

We just returned home from a trip to visit our son and his family in Maine.  We live in Florida, so it was a long trip...even though we flew...thankfully! Flying certainly has its "ups and downs"...and I am so grateful that this trip got us UP and DOWN again safely and pleasantly. Praise God!

Our Grandson Noah-a new teen-ager!

Noah and his Dad and Mom

But the traveling part was only the means to get us from here to there, and from there to here again.  It's what was in between the Up and Down that mattered most.  We went to celebrate the 13th birthday of our only grandchild, Noah...and to watch him morph over night from a "little boy" into a "young man".  I'm not sure I want to call him a "teen-ager" yet...that has such a negative connotation, and Noah is not a negative young person.  He is a very normal young man, with all the usual dreams and schemes of experiencing life to the fullest.  He enjoys school, tae kwon do, his church and youth activities, his friends, but most of all his family.

I am certain that Noah has a bright future ahead...and I believe that God has His hand upon him.  However, there are some uncertainties looming in the foreground...you see, Noah's Daddy, our son Matthew, has cancer: Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor.  It is a rare and agressive form of cancer, which usually strikes children.  Matthew is 39 years old, and is in the third year of this battle for his life. He is currently undergoing his second round of chemotherapy, after a break from it for about a year.  There are no guarantees of a cure...this cancer is still too new, too rare, too unheard of to get much attention for the researchers.  I believe this picture tells how we all feel about it:



Noah and his Daddy, Our Son Matthew, who has cancer

 That may not be the nicest choice of words, but cancer is not a nice disease.  It truly can suck the life out of the victim, the parents, the spouse, the children, the friends...but it doesn't take away the JOY of life from those who have faith to believe that God is with us even in the bad times...even in the difficult moments, the sickness, the sorrow, the pain, the disappointments.  We are people like that.  We believe that God is present with us, "Emmanuel", God with us...no matter what.  And He has promised to NEVER leave us nor forsake us.  Hebrews 13:5 tells us:

"Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have.  For He Himself has said, 'I will never leave you nor forsake you.'  So we may boldly say: 'The LORD is my helper; I will not fear.  What can man do to me?'" 

We may say, "The LORD is my helper, I will not fear.  What can CANCER do to me?"  Yes, it can rob us of many things...our very existence on this earth...but it can't take away the joy of knowing that God is at work in and through us, even in these difficult times.  He has a plan...He may choose to bring healing and take this curse away.  He may not choose to bring physical healing in this life, but He WILL take the curse away...He already has. 

"So when this corruptible has put on incorruption, and this mortal has put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written: "Death is swallowed up in victory!"  O Death, where is your sting?  O Hades, where is your victory?  The sting of death is sin, and the strength of sin is the law.  But THANKS BE TO GOD, WHO GIVES US THE VICTORY THROUGH OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST!"   I Corinthians 15:54-57

I think it is fitting that we spent one of our days together at this lighthouse, Nubble Light, in York Beach, Maine.  The Lighthouse represents the "Rescuer" our Savior, Jesus Christ, standing along the shore, sending out His message of Love, Hope and Eternal Life with Him.  We have this hope in our Savior.  We do not need to fear the dread diseases and storms and dire predictions of this life.  Our grandson, Noah, has a bright future, no matter what happens to his precious Daddy. Of course we want healing for our son. Of course we pray for a cure...a miracle...a future for him with his dear wife Nicole and son Noah. But no matter what happens...we have hope. We have peace. We have love. And we will all be home again, home again, jiggety jig...together forever someday. Praise God.

Update on Our Son Matthew and His Battle with DSRCT



Matthew, August 2012

 Update Note 9/3/2012:  We are still claiming victory over the cancer (Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor ~ DSRCT)that has invaded our son Matthew's body since March of 2010.  The latest report, after almost 2 years of being on a maintenance chemo pill, shows that the tumors that still exist in Matt's body are starting to show signs of growth again.  Therefore, he has started back on an intravenous chemotherapy once a week until further notice.  This particular kind of chemo is not supposed to be quite as stressful on his body as the original prescription back in 2010, but should hopefully reverse the growth of the tumors and at least keep them from progressing.  Thank you for your continued prayers and support of Matthew, Nicole and our grandson Noah during this time.  We don't know what the future holds, but we do know Who holds the future...and we will trust in the Lord to carry Matthew through to victory. Amen!

Matt and Nicole, August 2012



Our Grandson, Noah, Aug. 2012



We thank our Lord for YOU, our friends and loved ones and even people we've never met in person...you've been a network of strong fibers, reaching under and around us and surrounding us with your prayers, words of hope and encouragement, and acts of kindness.  You have been God's Hands and Feet and voice to us when we were feeling overwhelmed and afraid.  You have been there for us oftentimes when people who may have been closest to us physically couldn't help us because of their own feelings of anxiety and doubt. 

Matthew, Noah, and Nicole -  2010
Thank you for praying!!!!

In Jesus' Name...Amen.

Who Holds the Keys to YOUR LIFE?

 Revelation 1:9-18 and Psalm 118:13-21 Read all these verses, but in particular Rev. 1:17-18 "Do not be afraid; I am the First and the Last. I am He who lives, and was dead, and behold, I am alive FOREVERMORE. Amen. And I have the keys of Hades and of Death."

Psalm 118:13-21 "You pushed me violently, that I might fall, but the LORD helped me. The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation. The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tents of the righteous; the right hand of the Lord does valiantly. The right hand of the Lord is exalted; the right hand of the Lord does valiantly...  I SHALL NOT DIE, BUT LIVE, AND DECLARE THE WORKS OF THE LORD. THE LORD HAS CHASTENED ME SEVERELY, BUT HE HAS NOT GIVEN ME OVER TO DEATH! Open to me the gates of righteousness; I will go through them. And I will praise the Lord. This is the gate of the Lord, through which the righteous shall enter. I will praise YOU, for YOU have answered me, and have become my salvation!"


Lord, we claim this by faith today on behalf of our son Matthew...in Jesus' Holy Name, Amen!!!

How comforting these words are to me today...  As many of you are aware, our son Matthew has been diagnosed with a very rare and aggressive cancer: Desmoplastic small round cell tumor.  This week he will most likely be going to see specialists in Boston to determine the course of treatment.  Our first reaction to all of this was shock, confusion, and amazement.  We are still in shock, but I think we are all ready to start fighting this thing!  Satan has been trying destroy our son since before he was even born...

• While in the first trimester of my pregnancy, my body threatened to miscarry...but God intervened and we got through that.
• At the seventh month of pregnancy, I developed a kidney stone. At first the Dr. thought I was going into labor.  Thankfully, the kidney stone delivered itself instead of the baby.
• In the eighth month, Matthew was born, 3 weeks early.  He was jaundiced and had respiratory distress. It was a very difficult labor. The Dr. told my husband that he most likely had some major problems, either Down's Syndrome, or Hydrocephalis on the brain.  Neither was true.
• At eighteen months, Matt was hit by a car and suffered a skull fracture and concussion.  He miraculously recovered in record time and it was only by the grace of God that he was not injured more severely.  My husband was attending Bible College to prepare for the ministry at the time. Satan tried to derail us through this incident, but it didn't work.  We went on into the ministry anyway.
• At age seven Matt fell down a flight of stairs and hit his head...scared us all senseless, but the emergency room Dr. pronounced him just fine and very lucky.  God was there all the time.  BTW, we were in Seminary at this time, preparing further for the ministry.
• Somehow he got through adolescence without too many incidents...His guardian Angel stayed close by watching, I am certain.
• At age eighteen, Matthew was diagnosed with a brain tumor.  He had to have surgery to resect the majority of the tumor, and a radioactive iodine seed was placed on the remainder to dissolve it over the course of a year. Had it not been for the miraculous intervention of a dear friend at the exact right time prior to this surgery, calling the Head of Neurosurgery at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit, MI, the wrong procedure would have been done, and Matthew's memory may have been destroyed in the process.  God was there supervising and guiding the Dr. and Matthew came through with flying colors and went on to college that fall.  He had some residual short term memory issues, and, as a result, was not able to complete college, but he went on to have a successful career as a draftsman anyway.
• A year later another tumor appeared in his brain.  The radiologist report stated that it was large and possibly inoperable.  He was sent back to Detroit for surgery. While we waited in the pre-op holding area for the surgeon to take him to surgery, the surgeon finally appeared in her street clothes, disconnected Matt from the IV, removed the halo that was bolted into his head, and said, "I have good news for you...Matthew does NOT have a tumor!"  She really couldn't explain what had happened...but we all knew...God was there...again....  
• A year later Matthew married his lovely wife Nicole and lived a wonderful, healthy life...with the exception of a ruptured appendix on return from their honeymoon. The poison traveled up the shunt tube that remains in his brain, and was close to entering his brain before they could do the surgery. He was rushed to Maine Medical, where he stayed for several weeks recuperating on extremely strong antibiotics.  He fully recovered after about six weeks of antibiotic therapy.
• A few years later Matt and Nicole brought Noah Matthew Steiner into the world.  A beautiful, healthy, extremely bright little boy! (9 lb. 13 oz)
• Now, at the age of 37, Matt has been diagnosed with this serious, rare, aggressive cancer.  My first response was..."God has already performed so many miracles in Matthew's life...is there a limit on how many miracles one person can have? Is there a limit on God's mercy and grace?"  So many people have responded to this question that there is NO limit on God's love and mercy and power to heal and save.  I believe that with all my heart...Matthew's life has been one of great praise and a testimony to the power of God to heal and work miracles in the world today.  Satan does not want that message to go forth.  Why he has chosen to pick on Matthew in the way he has is a mystery to us...but Satan is a defeated foe. He cannot win...Jesus Christ has conquered death by His resurrection from the dead...so whether Matthew lives or dies physically...his life and his testimony continues on for eternity.  Through Christ, we are all victorious over death and the enemy of our souls. 

Psalm 118:22-24 says: "The stone which the builders rejected (Jesus Christ) has become the chief cornerstone.  This was the Lord's doing; it is marvelous in our eyes. 

This is the day the Lord has made;

We WILL rejoice and be glad in it!"

Lord, "I will praise YOU, for YOU have answered me, and have become my salvation."

Amen.

The Righteous Cry Out...and the Lord Hears...

Psalm 34:17-19  "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, and delivers them out of all their troubles.  The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit.  Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all."

Today was not the best day of my life.  For those of you who have been following our journey over the past few days, you know that we have been praying for our son Matthew, who had a biopsy on enlarged lymph nodes in his abdomen on Friday.  The preliminary report on Friday was that it looked like "lymphoma".  However, the actual biopsy report today was much different, and took us all by surprise.  According to the report, Matthew has something called "Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor", which, according to what we've been able to discover on the web is a rare, highly aggressive tumor.  It is more common in males and usually affects children, adolescents, and young adults.  Matthew is 37...which seems a little beyond this age bracket, so we have a lot of questions. 

In thinking about all of this we thought of some positive things in which God has already prepared the way to help:

• 
  
  Matt has been taking Tae Kwon Do lessons for the past year, and has gotten into very good physical condition as a result.  Actually, a week ago he performed in a tournament and won 1st place for his age.  This regimen and discipline has helped prepare him physically for the ordeal ahead.
• 
  
  His wife Nicole has a very responsible position, and her work is pretty demanding. However, her boss has already told her that they are standing behind her 100%, and whatever she needs to do, they will work with that.  They even gave her the option of working from home if necessary. (She is a computer "guru" for a large insurance and banking corporation in New England).
• 
  
  Nicole has also been building her strength as she has become a volunteer firefighter, and has been taking training and classes for the past couple of years, which has been very good for her physically.
• 
  
  Noah, Matt and Nicole's 10 year old son, is at an age where others can help take up the slack regarding his after school activities.  This is going to be challenging, but they may find that they have more friends and neighbors than they realized before.

I had been wondering what direction this blog writing was going to take...and I certainly never dreamed or thought it would be like this...but even this is a blessing in disguise.  I believe that God has already established a strong support group here for us, through Facebook and other means, that we didn't have a few months ago. Even my new job is providing a source of encouragement and prayer support that I didn't have a month ago. 

So, the Lord works in mysterious ways...we don't always understand the why's and wherefore's of the circumstances that are beyond our control...but we are thankful for the ways in which God provides for our needs even before we knew we would be needing such support. 

We are trusting God for the very best possible Doctors, Hospitals, and new acquaintances who will become a part of our family's life in the upcoming days.  This is going to be a different kind of journey...certainly not one that any of us would have chosen, but if we have to embark on this journey, at least we know we are not alone.

"Why are you cast down, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me?  Hope in God; For I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God."  Psalm 43:5 

Amen