weekends (Friday-Monday morning) for over three years, and off and on before that. My husband's brother and family have had her the other part of the week. So our lives have pretty much been determined by when "Nanny" is here or when she is not.
She is a big part of the reason that we started having a home Bible study in our home on Sundays instead of attending a regular church.
That, in itself, was a big adjustment to our lives, but God has blessed that special time with good friends, fellowship, and much growth in Christ together. We are still meeting this way, just a small group, but we believe this is the way the Lord would have us continue for now.
So, the last few days I have been little by little returning things back to a "pre-Nanny" state in our house...little things like cleaning her room and washing the bed linens, putting away her special cups that she used...odds and ends that we have used to accommodate her particular needs...and I find myself missing her smiles and the funny things she'd say...sometimes not making a whole lot of sense to everyone else, but important to her...Yes, it is a lot like grieving...even though she is still very much alive...she is most likely never coming back to our house...and after being my mother in law for over 47 years, I find that very sad. Since my own mother passed away about 11 years ago, "Nanny" has been a mother to me in many ways. She has been a wonderful grandmother to our sons and has always been a big part of their lives...so they are missing her as well. My hubby has very mixed emotions right now...feelings of guilt, sorrow, and perhaps even some anxiety over the whole situation. That, plus the fact that she is now over 2 hours drive away from us adds another level of frustration as we deal with how often can we or should we go to visit her...and how long is long enough to stay when we do...it's not an easy situation for us. In some ways it is easier to have her here than it is to travel to see her when she doesn't really seem to understand where she is or why she is there and she just "wants to go home".
So, I appreciate your thoughts and prayers as we go through this time of transition with her. I know many of you have already been there with your loved ones...some may even be going through this now at the same time...and you can totally empathize with my concerns and feelings.
Oh man, this is a tough time for you! So many conflicting emotions, but mostly love and concern for your mil I know. Will be praying for peace and rest.
ReplyDeleteThank you Susie. Yes...the peace and rest is what we need...and God is providing what we need each day...in somewhat strange ways...which I will write more about tomorrow. Anyway, I know God is in control, and He is working all of this out. We just have to be patient and let Him work.
DeleteDear Pam, my heart aches for you. I have been checking back on your blog several times over the couple of days to see how things are going. Now I sit here with tears streaming down my face as I read your update on your mother-in-law. Oh my...some things reminded me so much of my father-in-law's life. We actually did the majority of our grieving for him about two weeks before his passing. He was able to stay in his own home, so I've not had to put things in our home back to normal as you are doing, but "normal" for you, especially the last three years, has been to have your mother-in-law in your home. Such a hard place to be in. Please know that you are in my prayers, my friend. xx
ReplyDeleteTHank you Dianna. It is a great comfort to me to have such friends here who have been there and done that and totally understand the mixed emotions that are swirling around. We are taking it one day at a time and trusting God to work out the details. We know He loves my MIL and will take good care of her no matter where she is.
DeleteBless all of your hearts. Prayers that the legal part can be worked out and she can get settled, along with your minds. Asking God to continue to intervene and give each of you peace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Debbie. It is such a comfort to come back here and see that my "girlfriends" are already praying and offering words of encouragement. God is so good to give us who and what we need. And I know He will take care of my MIL no matter where she is. We just have to trust Him to do what He knows best. Thank you....
DeleteSweet Pam, went through a similar situation with my Momma. It's never easy, and in many ways it truly is bittersweet. Caregivers just reach a point when they can't give enough or do enough for the needs of our loved one. Praying that all goes well and that God will freely open up the right pathways for her care.
ReplyDeleteYes, Mary, that is where we are...we all kind of "hit the wall" in our ability to take care of her, and we have to let God provide the kind of care that will be best for her (and us!) at this time. I know He is working it out...and we just need to trust Him. Thank you for your prayers. That means a LOT!!!
DeleteI'm so very sorry that you are having to go through such trying times. Bless you for the years of caring for your mother-in-law. It is a blessing that she can be cared for now under assisted living. Please keep us posted on her well being. I will keep her in my prayers.
ReplyDeletePam: I just found this post. Yes, things do affect us when we have to make adjustments for our aged parents. Depression is one of the steps in the grief process. All we can do is give it to the Lord and be there for that elderly person, as much as we can be. Father God; Please help Pam and her husband through this deeply troubling time. In Jesus' name, I pray. Amen
ReplyDeletePam, I know you know what I went thru with my parents in 2015. I can so identify. My parents were much more hostile to care, would not live with anyone and would not allow a live-in with them. So independent, but then aren't we all. I know the up and down emotions of wondering whether we did the right thing by putting them in a strange place, but it was for my dad's rehab and my mother's protection. He liked people and adjusted, but my mother never did. We were told that wanting to go home was common to those nearing end of life and reflects their desire to be absent from the body and present with the Lord. I hope Nanny can adjust, but know it will be hard even though she seems to like people. Familiar items do help some if she can have them. I will pray for wisdom, some peace in your decision, and a good transition for all. I was three hours from my parents. Very hard to monitor. My brother did check on them as he could, but often they didn't know him. They know you are family but just cannot figure who. We put them in memory care assisted living. This involved a monitoring bracelet and was hard to see that being put on them, but it was to protect from wandering. They did get little bus trips around town to get them out some and live music, and a pleasant enough big porch where they could sort of be outside. My heart goes out to you both. We just do the best we can. PM if you ever need to just chat.
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