I've Got Writer's Slump

Ok, So I admit it...I'm in a slump...a rut...a dry spot in the road.  I've got nothing to say. I'm feeling kind of blue, out of sorts, frustrated, lost. Can't seem to find my groove. My life seems to have hit a detour, I must have made a wrong turn somewhere.  I'm in a daze, fumbling around in a haze.  And it's not even purple.  (does that even make sense?)

Have you ever been there? Do you know what this feels like? Can you help me find my way back home?

No, don't panic.  I haven't gone off the deep end (yet).  I don't think I'm depressed...(well, maybe just a little).  I'm sure I'm not suicidal or homicidal, so don't run for your lives. (yet) ( lol)  

I've just hit a bump in the road and it's thrown me a little off kilter.  No, nothing horrendous has happened, I'm not having a mid-life crisis (it's too late for that...I'm way past mid-life). My husband isn't having a mid-life crisis (been there, done that).  My kids aren't doing anything unusual or weird (that I know of at the present time).  I don't have any major illnesses or diseases (again, that I know of), and I'm still taking my hormones on schedule.

I don't do drugs (maybe I should?) (just kidding)  I don't drink, I don't smoke. I don't chew.   I am a total tea-totaler...(I love tea...hot, iced, herbal, full-bodied, English, Irish, Lipton)

I love Jesus, He loves me.  I love my husband and my family. They love me.  My father is almost 93, and he is showing signs of "signing off" from this life.  I'm trying to prepare myself for that reality.  My mother in law is 87 and has come to live with us, and is having some physical and emotional issues that are creating a bit of stress, and I am trying to adjust.  My middle son (he calls himself "Number Two"), has a very rare and aggressive cancer,  (age 38, married, with one son), but at the present time appears to be in a kind of remission, although not officially called that. According to his oncologist he is doing remarkably well.  So I am relieved and very thankful. My oldest son lives at home with us and needs a  job, but he's been such a help to us I almost hate to see him go out and get a job.  My youngest son is doing fine and hasn't needed our help for a while, so that is a positive sign.  I've survived a full year at a new job that started out very stressful, but has become more manageable and I think I actually know what I am doing. (well, sometimes). 

I say I am a writer.  I haven't exactly written a book , but I have written enough to become a book, if anyone is interested enough to read it. Maybe someday it will actually be a book...If I ever get over this writer's slump I'm in, that is.

Maybe I need to do what Jesus told His disciples in Matthew 16:24-26

"If anyone desires to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow Me.  For whoever desires to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for MY sake will find it.  for what profit is it to a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?  Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"  

Lord, I re-commit my life, my soul, and my desires to YOU.  My dreams, my hopes, my expectations...they all are placed in YOUR capable hands.  I surrender them ALL to YOU.  I have no desire for world wide fame or power.  I simply desire to follow YOU...and I give my life to YOU.  That includes my writer's slump and my feelings of frustration and being lost in the haze of this life.  Thank you for what YOU are going to do in my life, and through my life, from this day forward.  Amen.

Now, I am trying to decide, should I post this on my regular blog? Or should I post it on the one where I can actually earn a buck or two if anyone likes it well enough to vote for it?  What would YOU do? Hmmm, wherever this ends up will tell you what I decided.  At any rate, I found something to write about. (Thank you, Lord.)

I'll be back! I promise!!!

http://www.goodblogs.com/view-post/Help-Im-Stuck-in-a-Sandwich

I've been writing a few blogs on "GoodBlogs.com" (see link above)...I'd appreciate it if you could check them out under the name of Pamela M. Steiner and vote for the blogs you see...if I make it to the front page, I get paid!!!I've already earned $40.00! Such fun to actually get a check in the mail for writing! But don't worry, this is still my first love of a blog and I will be back soon.

Got Any Challenges?

What kind of challenges have you been facing lately?  Think about this for a few minutes...I am certain you can come up with a few...maybe more than a few. I'm going to list a few of my recent challenges; and not in any particular order.  Let's see if any of you can relate:

1. Recent Unemployment
2. New job with big responsibilities---more than I bargained for?
3. Impending foreclosure on house
4. Mortgage Loan Modification-only it extends your mortgage for more years than you can possibly work, and is for more money than your house could ever be worth again
5. Adult son comes home to live and is unemployed and has no job prospects
6. Other adult married son is diagnosed with a very aggressive, rare and terminal cancer and lives 1500 miles away. He is also the father of our only grandson, age 11.
7. Another adult son also lives far away and has frequent financial/job issues, requiring assistance from home in order to survive
8. Elderly mother in law decides to come and live with you
9. Elderly father is in decline and needs constant care...you do what you can to help in your spare time, still balancing all of the above
10. Husband's state job is insecure thanks to budget cuts and threats of further cuts...has not had any increase in pay in over five years already...
11. The economy continues to decline...gas prices continue to climb...job commute is a bit too far considering current gas prices

Yipes...no wonder I have chronic back aches and other psychosomatic illnesses...But don't stop here...

On the other hand...Let me count some of my blessings...

1. I did find an excellent job in a Christian environment with good people and adequate pay.
2. The mortgage company did work with us and actually gave us a lower payment.
3. Adult son who came home is a joy to have here...and he is a very big help with elderly grandparents and our own home needs.
4. Adult son with terminal cancer is actually exceeding all his doctor's expectations and is doing very well on a chemo maintenance medication. (Praise God!!!)
5. Other Adult son is employed, and even though his pay is minimal, he is healthy and happy and enjoys what he is doing.
6. Elderly mother in law is improving in her health issues and is actually ready to go back home for temporary stays. She has also been a big help around the house with meals, laundry, etc.
7. Elderly father is still able to live in his own home and is providing a source of income for my adult son who needed employment as well as my sister who also needed employment. (caregivers)
8. Husband's employment is currently steady, and we are trusting God it will remain secure in spite of the current economical trends.
9. My employer has allowed me to work a four day work week to save on gas.

When we stop and count our problems and challenges, we must also take equal time to consider our blessings.  Recently I have become acquainted (through facebook and other places) with other families facing even more challenging issues than mine. My heart has been broken over the many families who have children and other loved ones who are literally dying with terminal cancer and other diseases.  They've fought a good fight, but their strength is ebbing very rapidly.  When I measure my challenges against theirs, I cannot even begin to fathom the depth of their sorrow and pain. Many others have lost their fight to keep their homes, their jobs, and their families intact. You may be one of these dear friends. 

Each one of us has our own particular challenges and heartaches.  I know mine are not as great as many others, and yours may not be as great as mine...but nonetheless, they are challenges to our faith, to our hearts, and to our very lives.  I would like to present you with another challenge today: 

"Therefore comfort each other and edify one another, just as you also are doing."                 I Thessalonians 5:11  

"....Comfort the fainthearted, uphold the weak, be patient with all."  I Thessalonians 5:14b. 

 During this season of Lent, my goal and challenge is to lift up in prayer each day those whom God has brought into my circle of influence, whether via home, friends, work, church, facebook, or any other means, and not only pray for them diligently, but seek out ways to be an encourager and a comforter through God's Holy Spirit.  I truly believe that not only will this be a way to bless others, but it will most definitely be a way to receive blessing myself...not meaning selfish ambition or personal gain, but heart-felt blessings in my soul and spirit. 

Won't you join me in this challenge today? I know we will all reap blessings beyond our imagination in so doing.  In Jesus' Name I pray this today. Amen.

Choices...Some Good, and Some Not So Good...

One of my dear friends wrote on her facebook status today:  "Sitting here thinking about how as a parent you can raise your children -. teaching them right from wrong, good morals and love them more than life itself. Sometimes they seem to travel down the wrong path. I can only pray that they will decide to travel down the right path again and remember what they have been taught over the years."

Who among us who happen to be parents, have not felt this way at some time or another in our lives?  I mean, if you have children, and if those children have reached adolescence and/or early adulthood, I can guarantee you that sooner of later you will have the same concerns and feelings as my friend above.  I don't care how good of a parent you are (or think you are), or how perfect you think your kids are...there will come a day that you will wonder, "Where did I go wrong?"This was my response to my friend:

"We each have to make our own choices in life...some are great, and some are not so great...but God, in His infinite mercy, has given us a second chance. Your kids are like everyone else's kids...just keep praying and loving them. You can't go wrong that way...and remember what Proverbs 22:6 says: "Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Have faith. God is in control, even when we don't think so. "

Dear parent of children of any age, please don't lose hope or faith when your children stray away from the teachings of your faith and/or family traditions.  This is a natural part of growing up and becoming adults.  We can't always be there to guard them and protect them and keep them from making bad decisions.  We are not omnipresent, omnipotent, or omniscient.  But there is ONE Who is...our Heavenly Father...Abba Father...and HE loves our children so much more than we can even begin to fathom.  He tenderly guards each one of them and watches over their hearts with the infinite love of the Everlasting Father...Almighty God...The Creator and Sustainer of ALL life. 

Just as we earthly parents lovingly discipline and teach our children when they go astray, so does our Heavenly Father guide us back into the right path when we wander off...

"My son, do not despise the chastening of the LORD, nor be discouraged when you are rebuked by Him; For whom the LORD loves He chastens, and scourges every son whom He receives."  Hebrews 12:5-6

"If you endure chastening, God deals with you as with sons; for what son is there whom a father does not chasten?" Hebrews 12:7

"Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  Therefore strengthen the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be dislocated, but rather be healed.  Pursue peace with all people, and holiness, without which no one will see the LORD; looking carefully lest anyone fall short of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up cause trouble, and by this many become defiled." Hebrews  12:11-15

Yes, we all like sheep have gone astray... (Isaiah 53:6) but our loving Shepherd searches for us diligently until He finds us, and rejoicing, He brings us safely back into the fold.   (Luke 15:4-7)




"Gone Astray" by Michael Belk

  So, dear friend, please do not fret or fear...your child is only doing what man (or woman) has done since Adam and Eve...testing their own wings...making their own decisions...and it's all apart of growing up.  You don't have to like it or approve, but you do need to trust God to take care of His own.  He will not fail you. Just keep praying and trusting...and loving.  He'll take care of the rest.  Trust me, I know what I'm talking about!!!

Such a dichotomy...

Dichotomy: "a division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups. "

Tonight as I was sitting on my back patio enjoying the cool "spring" breeze, I was listening to the cheerful sounds of birds chirping back and forth to one another as they "chip, chip, chip" away towards the bird feeders for their evening meal.  There was a rustle of falling leaves wending their way down through the trees to land softly on the ground (and my patio), and the swooshing sound of the doves as they came in for a landing. I also heard the sudden "Who who cooks for you?" hooting of our resident Barred Owl, alerting his mate to be aware that a human being was in the neighborhood, prying on their evening activities. (That would be me).  All in all, it was a very serene, pleasant, happy experience...a perfect way to unwind from a busy day.

In the background of all this bliss and peace, I had left the patio door open, with the intention of allowing the fresh air to circulate through my stuffy, much too warm house.  My husband was inside the house watching the evening news.  He purposely turned up the volume, thinking that I should hear what was being reported.  That is when this word, "dichotomy", came into my mind.  The news that was blaring forth from the television was all about war, anarchy, turmoil, and chaos all around the world...primarily in Libya tonight, but that is only the tip of the iceberg of what is happening in all corners of the globe. I wanted to jump up and slam that glass door shut, with the intention of stopping the unwanted noise of world strife from bombarding my peaceful surroundings.  I could feel the anxiety welling up within my body and the stress began to steal away my calm and created such tension in my neck and shoulders that I had to get up and start walking around to work it out of my system.

"Dichotomy"..."a division into two mutually exclusive, opposed, or contradictory groups. " That is what I experienced tonight.  In my own strength, I am unable to deal with these contradictions of spirit and peace.  I cannot rectify the wrongs of this world.  All I can do is pray for peace...and pray for the Lord's soon return...

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying.  There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.  Then He who sat on the throne said, 'Behold, I make all things new.' And He said to me, 'Write, for these words are true and faithful.'  And He said to me, 'It is done! I Am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts.  He who overcomes shall inherit all things, and I will be his God and he shall be My son.'"  Revelation 21:4-7

"He who testifies to these things says, 'Surely I Am coming quickly.' Amen. Even so, come, Lord Jesus!
The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen."  Revelation 22:20-21

Ah, my sense of peace and calm has been restored...God is in control in all things.  Even in the midst of the dichotomy between heaven and earth...God's Word brings peace and healing...and HOPE.  Amen.

"My Three Sons"

My Three Sons
Matthew, Benton, and Scott - Cathedral Ledge, N. Conway, NH
October 1992




 This is a picture of "My Three Sons"...no, not the old TV sitcom with Fred MacMurray and William Frawley and three boys I can't remember...but MY Three Sons: Matthew, Benton, and Scott.  This is my favorite picture of my three sons...why?  Well, I believe it is the very last picture I have of all three of them together before they left the home-nest for good and went their separate ways in search of whatever life God had in store for each of them.  At this particular time Benton and Matt had already left home to go off to college, and Scott was still in high school. 



Matt, Noah, and Nicole May, 2010

 We had just moved to New Hampshire to pastor a church, and this was Benton and Matt's first trip "home" to visit us at the new home they had not yet seen.  A certain young lady from our church volunteered (rather cheerfully, I might add) to take the boys on a tour of the countryside and help them get acquainted with their new surroundings.  That same certain young lady became our daughter in law about ten months later, when Matthew and Nicole tied the knot...and "My Three Sons" became My Three Sons and a Daughter in Law! And thus began the enlarging of our family tree and the metamorphosis of our family as we knew it.  This was a happy event and pleasant change, which later resulted in the introduction of our first (and so far, only) grandson, Noah. You can read more about Matthew's saga over the past year through previous episodes of this blog.  We are very thankful that he is still doing well in his battle against the aggressive cancer (Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor) that invaded his body just about one year ago exactly. We are trusting God for a positive outcome and a long and prosperous life for Matt and his precious family.



Benton with Grandpa

And what happened to the other two sons?  Well, they are still writing their own life stories.  They are each unique and wonderful in their own right...you can see more about Benton on my blog-page "Ben's Country Woodshop".  He is currently living here at home again after many years away from home. That is a story in itself that I am saving for another day when God releases it from within my heart.  He is a joy and a blessing to us in so many ways.  Scott is still living in NH, right back there in the shadow of "Cathedral Ledge", cooking in one of the local restaurants and enjoying the snow.  He is healthy and seems happy, and for that we are grateful.

Scott



We are not sure what the future holds for any of our boys, but again, we are trusting God to complete the plans that He has promised for each of them.  For each of "My Three Sons" I prayed, both before they were ever born, and of course, every day thereafter.  At an early age we, as their parents, committed and dedicated them to the Lord, and one by one, in their own time, each one accepted that faith in Christ for himself.  So I have faith that God will continue to care for them, long after I leave this earth.  He has given me that assurance, and I have no reason to doubt it. 

God says to us in Jeremiah 29:11,

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."  

I have applied this verse to myself many times, and believe I can also claim it for my three sons as well.  During these days of tremendous unrest in our world, we are all feeling a bit anxious over the future of our nation and our world...but I still can rest...and trust...

"Bless the Lord, O my soul; and forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, so that your youth is renewed like the eagle's."  Psalms 103:2-5  

Yes, my heart cries out with the Psalmist, 

Our family today...this picture was added later, when we finally all got together again for my father's funeral, April, 2011.  Bittersweet Time.

"Bless the Lord, O my soul; and all that is within me, bless His holy name." (Psalm 103:1)    Amen.

"Live Joyfully..."



I hope we never get too old for this.

 Ecclesiastes 9:9 "Live joyfully with the wife whom you love all the days of your vain life which He has given you under the sun, all your days of vanity; for that is your portion in life, and in the labor which you perform under the sun."

This past week my husband celebrated his 63rd birthday.  To some of you, that may sound old. And to many of you, that may sound young!  Whichever way you view it, it's a very good thing to be having a birthday at all.  Over the past several years we have lost way too many of our good friends prematurely to cancer and other unexpected illnesses.  Not only has that created a real sense of sorrow and sadness within us, but it has also helped us to realize the preciousness of the gift of good health and life together.  Notice I said "gift"...it is not a guarantee.

Old King Solomon wrote a lot of very wise messages throughout the Bible.  Many of the examples of his great wisdom can be found in the book of Proverbs, The Song of Solomon, and the book of Ecclesiastes.  He often talks about the relationship between a husband and a wife...something about which I am certain he had a lot of experience.  It is written in I Kings 11:3 that "he had seven hundred wives, princesses, and three hundred concubines..."   I'm not sure just how Solomon managed so many women...(or how they managed him!), but obviously life was quite different for his family than it is for ours today.  Thankfully so.  I don't think that Solomon lived all that joyfully with his "wife"...there was a lot of strife in his family, and God had to judge and discipline him rather sternly.

I did not intend to get into a theological discussion here regarding Solomon's behavior and family life.  I mainly wanted to take a moment to reflect on life in general...and to take a moment to thank the Lord for my husband, for the blessing of good health, and for the fact that, despite times of disappointment, sorrow, uncertainty and other difficult trials through which we have come in the past 41+ years together, the fact remains that we have come through them together.  I won't pretend that we have always faced our troubles joyfully, or even that we have always agreed on the path to follow, but the important thing is, when all is said and done, we did it together, and hopefully we will continue to do so for many more years...Lord willing...and with God's divine help.  God has not promised us a smooth path or a bed of roses, but He has promised to be with us...and never leave us or forsake us. 

Deuteronomy 31:8, "And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you.  He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed."

Yes, I am thankful for my husband...and I am most thankful that together we have learned to trust in that wonderful Lord, Who has never forsaken or left us.  When all is said and done, that is what matters more than anything. Amen.

By Jove, I Think I've Done it!!

I was really fretting over whether or not I would be able to keep my blog if I changed my email address. Thankfully, one of my facebook friends suggested I go ahead and set up a new email account (a freebie, like gmail) before I shut down my old email account so I can transfer things over. So here is the result of that! Thank you, dear friend (Laura...you know who you are) for making the right suggestions! You win the grand prize of the day! Why don't you come over and have a cup of tea with me? That would be fun!!

I hope to get back on schedule with my writing now that I've figured this out. Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks?

In case any of the rest of you need to know how to do this, go to Blogger Help and ask it "How do I move a blog between accounts?" It will lay it out step by step. Of course, all of the rest of you probably already knew all this and are just say how stupid that Pam must be. But, hey, you don't know until you try...or ask...and there is no such thing as a dumb question! Right? Of course I'm right!

Ok, so much for this...y'all come and have a cup of tea with me, OK?

Love,

Pam

"Cast Your Bread Upon The Waters"

"Cast your bread upon the waters, for you will find it after many days."  Ecclesiastes 11:1

It was just about one year ago that I was feverishly attempting to write a book.  I honestly thought I had something important to share with the whole world, and I was certain that everyone would be clamoring to receive a copy of my life's story.  I also had been given a wonderful opportunity via a scholarship to attend my very first writer's conference.  All the more reason to believe that I was well on my way to becoming an author of reknown. 

Boy! Was I ever mistaken!!!  Oh, I went to that wonderful conference, and I was full of confidence and hope as I submitted my query to the panel of publishers, certain that mine would be chosen for some kind of grand prize for being the most interesting, unique and dynamic spell-binding story they had ever had the privilege of reading.  What I discovered was, much to my chagrin, on the first day of the conference...well, let's just say that I suddenly realized that I was not God's gift to the waiting publishing world...and worse yet, I was just one of many, many hopeful wannabe authors who most likely had a lot more talent than I...and I definitely had a LOT to learn about writing a book! It was one of the most deflating experiences of my life.

However, I persevered through that whole conference, attended every class I could manage, spoke with every publisher and other budding author I could entrap into a conversation, took myriads of notes and collected every handout and freebie I could fit into my bag for future reference.  I was determined not to become discouraged, but I had to totally reevaluate my whole scheme of writing.  The book idea was put back on the shelf.  It just wasn't the right time for that yet. 

What was I to do with all of that new knowledge and eye-opening experience?  I couldn't just give up on writing, could I?  No, I truly believed that God had instilled that desire to write within my heart, and I knew that HE had a message that He wanted to speak through me in one way or another.  I also reevaluated my motives and goals for writing...was it for personal gain or fame?  Or was it to glorify God and perhaps actually inspire and help others in the process?

As a result of what appeared to me to be a "closed door", i.e.; no book writing for me; I discovered something new on the horizon...an "open window" of opportunity... and I began to write this blog!  Now that was a definite leap of faith!  It was a way of "casting my bread upon the waters"...and praying that God would bring it back to me "after many days"...His way...in His time. 

"In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good." Ecclesiastes 1:6

Little did I know when I started this blog all the things that were about to take place in my life that would influence my writing...and you can go back over this past year and read all about each new event...some good, and some not so good.  Through it all, God has been working behind the scenes, directing me as I wrote, guiding me to passages in the Bible that were encouraging to me...and hopefully to others as well.  He has taught me much about His plan for me and for my writing "career".  No, I still haven't written that book...and I probably never will write that particular book...but I pray that whatever I write will be for His honor and glory...and for your edification. I doubt I will ever be found on the Best Seller list, but that is not my goal or purpose.  This story is my bread...and this blog is the water that carries it...and for now, that's okay with me.  And I believe it is exactly what God had planned all along. 

"As you do not know what is the way of the wind, or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything." Ecclesiastes 11:5

However...

"For I know Whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day."  IITimothy 1:12

Therefore, I will keep writing and trusting God to do whatever He so desires with my offering.  May Jesus Christ be praised in all things.  Amen.

"A Good Bread Recipe"



Be sure to double click on the pictures to enlarge, then back-space to come back to the blog page.



This special recipe for bread can be found in the"Washburn-Crosby's Gold Medal Cookbook", Copyright 1917, Washburn-Crosby Co., Minneapolis, Minn., U.S.A. 

I am not certain where I found this very old paper back cookbook, but I kept it because I liked it first of all, and because it is copyrighted the same year as my mother's birth!  So I love to read the recipes in it and think that perhaps those were the recipes my grandmother was using when my mother was born!  I hope you will click on the pictures above and enlarge this so you can read the poem that goes with the recipe.  I hope to post more recipes from this cook book as time goes by.  For tonight, enjoy this very "Good Bread Recipe".