Thanksgiving, Role Reversal and "The Golden Rule" -Updated 11/25/15

This was originally written last year on the day before Thanksgiving, 11/26/14.  Here we are again, one year later, on the day before Thanksgiving...and not a whole lot has changed...We still have my mother in law with us primarily on the weekends, but this week, due to some health issues that my brother in law is experiencing, we have had her all week long. The other major change is that I just retired this past Friday, so now I am adjusting to being home all day...and she has been here as well...and it has had its challenges...but on the whole, I must say I am very thankful for the fact that she is still in pretty good physical shape for her age of 92...and that God is helping us to cope with the issues that come up due to her progressive dementia.  Sometimes you just have to find ways to laugh and be silly together...like playing with a baby doll,,,

Sometimes even my hubby gets in on the fun with the baby doll!

Or baking cookies together...(I bake, she watches and counts the cookies as they come out of the oven and tries to keep track of how many we've eaten before they even cooled down...a very good mental exercise for her...and she does surprisingly well all things considered)

Or having a tea party with a friend...

And sometimes it's fun to pat a baby's "bear" butt...and just enjoy the feel of something warm and snuggly...even if it IS a babydoll!  It brought a smile to her face...and that's worth everything... 

So here's the original post from last year...it was good for me to review this again after a particularly exasperating day.  I needed to remind myself that "Love Never Fails".


November 26, 2014:

It's the day before Thanksgiving...and there's a lot going on in my mind and heart right now. But for today, this is probably the uppermost thought, and even though it seems to be a bit of a repetitive theme for me lately...this is what's happening now.  I may elaborate on other things after we get through cooking and eating and enjoying Thanksgiving with loved ones and friends sometime later this weekend...

I just finished reading an excellent book on a subject that I've been thinking about quite a bit lately...
When Your Parent Becomes Your Child, A Journey of Faith Through My Mother's Dementia    by Ken Abraham.  One of my other blogging friends had mentioned this book and I thought.."I need to read that one right now!"  So I ordered it...actually ordered two copies...one for my family and one for my brother-in-law and his family.  Why? Because we are living it right now in our family as we are joint care-givers for my 91 year old mother-in-law...who is rapidly descending the slippery slope from being mentally present with us to drifting further and further away in a cloud of confusion, memory lapses, paranoia, anger and fear.

When I first picked up this book and started reading I was astounded. I thought Mr. Abraham was writing about my mother in law.  The similarities were amazingly much too close for comfort.  "Minnie" Abraham, Ken Abraham's mother, exhibited so many of the same symptoms that they could have been "sisters in crime"...the crime of changing into a totally different person through the sad progression of the deterioration of the mind.

This post is not intended to be a book review, however, if you are dealing with these kinds of changes in your loved one, I would heartily recommend that you read this book as well as any other information you can put your hands on.  There is a wealth of knowledge on this subject shared on the internet and I am certain many other books are available.  I appreciated Mr. Abraham's story because it was a deeply personal and honest confession of his own frustration and inadequacies in dealing with the changes he saw taking place in his mother.  However, he gave a lot of helpful information that he learned through first hand experience, which I have found especially enlightening.

I think the main thing that I am learning as we share the responsibility of caring for our loved one with my husband's brother and his family is that we have to communicate regularly with each other. There are changes taking place weekly and even daily that we need to be aware of.  Right now she is still able to be driven back and forth between our two homes on the weekends so that hopefully neither of us will  suffer caregiver burnout too quickly. But we are also realizing that this may not last much longer. As her condition continues to deteriorate we may have to enlist professional/long term assistance in one form or another.

For now we are taking things one day at a time and trying to make every moment count.    As long as she is physically able to do things in the home, we encourage her to take part in the family activities as much as possible.  Spending quality time together, cleaning up the kitchen after meals, folding laundry, setting the table...who cares if the towels and underwear aren't folded the way I always fold them?  What difference does it make in the grand scheme of things if she puts the knife, fork and spoon on the wrong side of the plate, or doesn't remember which drawer holds the silverware and which cupboard holds the plates...or if she gets confused about whether we just ate lunch or supper...she loves to feel useful as she is still contributing something to the family by her presence with us.

And truly she is.  I love to hear her humming a little song as she helps dry the dishes or as she sits in the rocking chair and chats with me while I prepare our meals. They say that music is one of the last "senses" to go from the mind...and I believe that to be true.  My mother in law still loves to listen to her favorite gospel music CD's every day and she can sing along like she is right there with them.

"Nanny" helping our son with the dishes and enjoying spending happy moments
with her #1 Grandson.  He appreciates the blessing of sharing this time with her as well.

We try hard to see the humor in some of the things that she says or does, even if it is sad that she doesn't realize what is happening to her.  However, some things aren't so funny, especially when she gets angry over the least little thing that doesn't go her way...or when she tries to cut short our visits with friends because she thinks it is time for them to go and she's tired of not being the center of attention. Or when she repeats the same things over and over and over again all day long, and to her it is like she just thought of it that very moment...but we've already had to endure the story/comments/questions too many times to count.

Patience is a virtue that sometimes wears thin. It is difficult for those closest to her to understand that our loved one really doesn't know that she's saying these things over and over again...or that her temper tantrums, negative comments about other family members and delusions are not really the product of a ninety-one year old mature Christian woman...but are the manifestations of a mind/brain that is rapidly breaking down, shriveling up, wearing out...dying.

So every day is a challenge in this journey we are traveling. As we approach Thanksgiving this week, I try to count my blessings and not dwell on the difficulties of life.  I know that someday it will be my turn to be the one that needs care...and I pray that there will be someone willing and able to go the extra mile for me as long as deemed reasonable and possible.  I try to practice "The Golden Rule"..."do unto others as you would have them do unto you..."...not expecting my mother in law to be able "do unto me" any longer...she has already done her part in loving and caring for me and my family all these years.  It is our turn to return the blessing to her...and perhaps this experience will also help the younger generation realize what their part will be in the future.

Some thoughts from the "Love" chapter of the Bible, I Corinthians 13:1-8

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels,

but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a

clanging cymbal.

And though I have the gift of prophecy, 

and understand all mysteries and all knowledge,

and though I have all faith,

so that I could remove mountains,

but have not love,

I am nothing.

And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor,

and though I give my body to be burned,

but have not love,

it profits me nothing.

LOVE SUFFERS LONG AND IS KIND,

LOVE DOES NOT ENVY;

LOVE DOES NOT PARADE ITSELF,

IS NOT PUFFED UP;

DOES NOT BEHAVE RUDELY, 

DOES NOT SEEK ITS OWN,

IS NOT PROVOKED,

THINKS NO EVIL;

DOES NOT REJOICE IN INIQUITY,

BUT REJOICES IN THE TRUTH;

BEARS ALL THINGS,

BELIEVES ALL THINGS,

HOPES ALL THINGS, 

ENDURES ALL THINGS.

LOVE NEVER FAILS."

There really isn't anything more I can add to  that...
Hug and hold your loved ones closely this Thanksgiving.  We never know when it will be the last opportunity we will have to show them how much we love them.

"Oh give thanks to the Lord, for He is good!

For His mercy endures forever!"

Psalm 107:1

Click HERE for previous thoughts on Thanksgiving and Family traditions.

And Click HERE for previous posts about the journey we are currently on with my mother in law.

How Do YOU Measure Christmas?

So, how was your Christmas?  How do you measure Christmas? By the number of or cost of the presents you received? Or is it by the amount of money you spent on gifts for others...and the amount of debt you now have to work off in the New Year?

I hope your measurement of Christmas will be a different kind of tabulation...a measurement of the amount of JOY you received in the presence of others,...and in the Holy Presence of the Child in the Manger Himself...Jesus...our Messiah...Emmanuel, "God WITH Us"...His Presence with us...that is where the true JOY comes from. 

This year we did a couple of things differently than we have in the recent past.


Our church "ensemble" singing "Christmas is Jesus"

• My husband and I both sang in our church Christmas Cantata, "Christmas is Jesus".  It was a precious time of singing songs of great joy and hope as we ushered in the Christmas Spirit in song and Word.  It had been quite a few years since either of us had sung in church...even though that was something quite common for us to do for many years in the past.  This took courage and steps of faith for us to venture back into this "arena"...and God was with us all the way. My husband even sang a solo...to the glory of God. This was an answer to prayer for me.

Me and my hubby John...happy to have family
at our table for Christmas.

• We were able to have extended family here in our home for Christmas (a couple days early)...another first after many years.   In years past our families (on my side) always spent Christmas at my parents' home.  Since both my parents have now gone on to be with the Lord and that home is no longer in the family...we needed a gathering place.  This past year God blessed us with a new (to us) home that was large enough to become that gathering place. Although not every member of the family was able to be present...there were about 15 of us around our table, and that, for me especially, was such a joy. 

• 

Mother (Nanny) Steiner, Bill and Peggy Steiner

 

• We also spent Christmas Day with my husband's brother's family in their new home for the first time in many years, due to the fact that they had moved back to our home state after many years being away. Now we are able to enjoy their two young children...and also we are all able to continue to enjoy Mother Steiner, who is now 89+.       

Our nephew and niece, Nicholaus and Shannon

    

The week before Christmas there was a horrible tragedy in Connecticut, where many children and their teachers had their lives violently taken away.  In the wake of that tragedy, I could not rest in peace and prepare meaningless gifts for my loved ones.  This unbelievably grievous act triggered such a feeling of sorrow and pain in my heart that caused me to want to give something to our family that hopefully would give them a sense of hope and comfort.  My son, who is a woodworker, and I put our heads together and came up with a simple little sign that we could create in time to give to each family with whom we would be sharing our Christmas gift exchange.  The words "Faith, Hope, Love"  came to mind...from the 13th chapter of I Corinthians. 

"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (I Cor. 13:13)

Here is a sample of the sign we created for each family, although each one was unique due to the wood grains and finishing touches, but the message was the same for all:

 This is the message we wanted to give each family...when the world around us goes crazy, and we don't understand the reasons why things happen...we need to go back to God's Word...and claim HOPE by FAITH...and trust in God's LOVE to always be there for us, no matter what.

That is how I measure Christmas...by the FAITH in our Lord for His saving grace and comfort in difficult times...by the HOPE that He gave us when Christ came to earth as that little baby... to save us from our sins...and by the LOVE that HE has for each and every one of us, so much that He was willing to die for us on the cross so that we could spend eternity with Him in Heaven forever!! 

My prayer for you this Christmas and in the New Year is that you will experience this same FAITH, HOPE AND LOVE in your heart and life right now and forever! Amen!!

 

Dim Reflections

"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known." I Corinthians 13:12

(click on the picture to enlarge)

The other day I was looking toward the mirror hanging on the wall in my bedroom, and I happened to notice that the vision in the mirror was actually a dim reflection of the items on my vanity on the opposite wall, and then if you look into the image of the mirror on the vanity you can see a reflection of the items on the other wall, which are placed on a table directly under the original mirror. It created such an interesting picture that I had to try and capture it on film, the results of which are shown above. 

Confusing? Perhaps a little, but to me it was a picture not just of things that I treasured in my room, but a reminder of how we look at God now from our current vantage point.  Our vision is dim, marred by the clutter of things of this world and viewed with our very one-dimensional vision.  We try to look beyond the things that we can see clearly, and peer longingly into the fuzzy future that we can only begin to imagine with our limited sight, and once in a while we get a glimpse of the true picture, but most of the time it is something that we just have to contemplate and trust that our hopes and ideals will one day become reality.

The scripture from which I quoted above is the 13th Chapter of I Corinthians, also known as "the Love Chapter", one of my favorite passages in the New Testament. It speaks to us about how we as believers need to remember that no matter how knowledgeable we may think we are, how talented and gifted we may be, or how sacrificially charitable we are to the poor and needy, if we don't have love, we are nothing.  It is a reminder to us that all of our great talents, knowledge, gifts and sacrifices will one day cease to exist, but love will never fail.

Verses 8-11 says:

"Love never fails.  But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away.  For we know in part and we prophesy in part.  But when that which is perfect has come, then that which is in part will be done away.  When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things."

Verse 12 tells us that at the present time we are looking at God and our relationship to Him with human eyes that are illuminated only very dimly at best.  One day, when we ultimately reach our heavenly destination, we will see Him face to face.  Right now we only understand a very small part of His vast plan for our lives, both in the present and the future. When we get to heaven we will know Him completely, just as He already knows us now. The veil will finally be stripped away and all things will become clear to us.  All the questions that we said we would ask God as soon as we reached heaven's gate will be understood...there will be no need to even ask. 

The thing that God wants us to understand for now is this: (Verse 13)

"And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love."

Perhaps that is enough for us to know.

The Poor You Have With You Always...

Proverbs 31:20: "She extends her hand to the poor, yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy."

I am currently working in an old established historic church in an old established historic downtown neighborhood. Due to the current difficult economic climate in our country, our church is in a prime location for the transient, homeless and hopeless people to come searching for some kind of help.  We have so many hurting people stopping by on a regular basis that we had to limit our times of giving out assistance to one day a week.  This really hurts...the needy can't limit their times of need to one day and one hour a week.  We are having to turn people away every day because we just can't keep up with the constant flow. Our resources are being stretched to the limit and even our own church people are finding it difficult to make ends meet.  We refer people to all of the usual charitable organizations in the community that are established for that purpose, but we have discovered that the charitable organizations are sending many of these people to us in the first place because of their own lack of resources. It is a heartbreaking situation that is being played out in churches and communities all across the country.

I must admit that this is an area where I personally have a lot of difficulty. Oh, I've given a fair share to the needy, you know like old clothes to the Salvation Army and other such organizations, and food for the food pantry at church to be distributed to the needy or gifts for baskets at Christmas or Thanksgiving. But I feel like this just isn't enough anymore.  What else should I do?

God has called some people to become very involved in "rescue" type ministries in our urban areas. He has called others to foreign places where the gospel has never been heard. He has called some to difficult ministries in large suburban churches where the needs are of a different kind, but still important. Who's to say that one kind of ministry is more important or needful than others? Isn't that why God gave diversities of gifts to men and women in the body of Christ? I Corinthians chapter 12 is very comforting and helpful in understanding that God did not intend for all of us to do the exact same things in serving Him. Furthermore,
I Corinthians 13:3 says that "though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing." In verse 13 we are reminded that "now abide faith, hope, love, these three, but the greatest of these is love."

So I must conclude that the most important thing for me to do is show God's LOVE to those that He brings into my path. Whether they are rich or poor, sick or well, good or bad. All are equally important to God. If the needy are around us, we must reach out to them with love. However, we must also identify who the needy are in our personal sphere of influence. It may be the wealthy lady next door, or the bag lady on the street. It may be the teenage friend of your own child who comes from a broken home. It may be a lonely widow or the unsaved neighbor dying of cancer. It may be a friend on Facebook whom you've never personally met who has burdens she/he is afraid to talk about, but who always seems to be right there searching for hope and answers.

Yes, the needy are everywhere, in every neighborhood, in every church, and possibly right under our noses.

Help me, Lord, to identify the ones You've placed in my path that I may be able to help. Keep my eyes open, my ears attentive, and my heart softened to their pleas. Give me discernment to know when and how to act to show them Your love. Help me to always point others to You, and not to seek praise for myself. Enable me to screen out the voices of the world and tune in to Your voice only. Thank you, Lord, for teaching me Your way of love. Amen.

Perhaps you could share some of your ideas for helping others during these difficult times.  What does your church do to meet the needs of the needy in your community? How can others become involved?  Maybe this has gotten you thinking about ways you could help as well.  I know my mind is working on this, and my heart is praying about it.  I just pray that God won't let go of me until I do something about it.

Time to Move On

More of the Steiner family saga...

Soon the day came when John completed his degree at the Seminary, and it was time for us to move on. In a way we were hoping that our current ministry would choose him to become their pastor full time since they were in the process of looking for a new minister. But that was not meant to be. Even though he was well qualified and well liked, it was understood that they needed to have someone new in their leadership…and we needed to move forward.

As I reflect back over this time in our lives, I would like to linger here awhile and not venture forth. See, back when we were actually looking forward to our future, we were full of excitement and joyous anticipation at what the Lord was going to do. We were young, full of vitality, somewhat innocent and naïve, and had a real sense of purpose. Our commission was “The Great Commission” as given to Christ’s disciples in Matthew 28:19-20:

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age.”

It is merciful of God that He does not give us glimpses of our future, but only asks us to trust Him and obey His commands…and He promises that He will be with us always.

In Joshua 1:9 He says to His servant Joshua, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

Please don’t misunderstand me…God has never forsaken us. It’s just that as I look back in retrospect, I can see when the real tests started in our lives. Everything prior to this had been a kind of preparation for the bigger tests that still lay ahead. Kind of a “pre-test” if you will. We were now approaching the precipice of true adulthood spiritually speaking…we were “graduating” from the classroom to the “real world of ministry”.

I Corinthians 13: 11-13 says at the closing of that great “Love Chapter”: “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known. And now abide faith, hope, love, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”

We were being led by the Spirit of God to take the next step in our maturity…to grow up in Christ, and to receive our true inheritance:

Romans 8:14-18 gives us a look into our future: “For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, ‘Abba, Father’. The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together. For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us"

Early that summer John was called to become the Pastor at a very beautiful, fairly large suburban church in the hills surrounding Cleveland, Ohio. We were “moving on up”!  (or so we thought at the time).  Sometimes the cost can be more than you bargain for...but that's another story for another time.

Thank you, Father, that You were indeed with us as we continued on in our journey of faith and trust in You. Looking back, we can see Your hand in every step of the way. There have been times when we've wondered, questioned, and even doubted and yes, stumbled.  How thankful we are that You have never let us down...You have picked us back up, dusted us off, and pushed us forward in spite of our fears and failures. That gives us great hope for our future now as well...we know that You are still working on us...we aren't yet complete...and we will continue to trust You for whatever the plan may be. Amen.

Just What Is Cancer?

"Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal...And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing...And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, but have not love, it profits me nothing..."  I Corinthians 13:1-3

I asked the question above, "Just what is cancer?"  This is not going to be a medical message...but certainly a message concerning our human condition.  According to the American Cancer Society, "Cancer begins when cells in a part of the body start to grow out of control. There are many kinds of cancer, but they all start because of out-of-control growth of abnormal cells." (ACS: The History of Cancer - http://www.cancer.org/).

The American Cancer Society states that there are "many kinds of cancer...but they all start because of out-of-control growth of abnormal cells." I submit to you that there are indeed many kinds of cancers of the human condition...and they all start because of out of control growth of abnormal "cells" of emotions, feelings, fears, attitudes, anger, stubbornness...or more simply put, because of a lack of "love". 

We are all very conscious of cancer causing elements in our lives...smoking, chemicals, unhealthy diets, pollution, even heredity. But are we just as aware of the cancer causing elements in our hearts and souls?  Greed, lust, jealousy, ambition, the need to be "in control" of all situations at all times...a critical spirit, superiority complex...or inferiority complex...unchecked anger, rage, addictions to things that harm the mind as well as the spirit...these are just a few of the "cancers" that permeate our society and our homes...and our very souls.

Is there a cure for such cancers as these?  Is there any surgery or therapy that can stem the tide of the abnormal growth of these heart-damaging cells?  Yes, there is...a four letter word that covers a multitude of sins and completely changes the heart and mind of the unwitting victim of this disease...LOVE.

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails. 

But whether there are prophecies, they will fail; whether there are tongues, they will cease; whether there is knowledge, it will vanish away."  I Corinthians 13:4-8

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things.  For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

but the greatest of these is LOVE."

I Corinthians 13: 11-13

Lord, Help me to LOVE like You love.  Help me to put away my childish things...the "abnormal cells" of wrong thinking and acting out when I don't get my way...the need to always be "in control" in my life and in others' lives too...the need to always be right when I ought to recognize that I just may be wrong (did I say that?). Yes, Lord, help me to LOVE like You love.

Amen.