Desires of the Heart - Updated

This is a repost of what I wrote last year for Memorial Day, (5/25/15) on the 1st anniversary of the passing of our son Matthew.  Even though Memorial Day falls on a different day each year, we will always be reminded of our wonderful son and the life that he lived on this particular holiday. I guess that is rather fitting.  I submit this for you today in loving memory of our son, and continuing to pray for our precious Grandson as he grows and matures into the young man God intends him to be.

5/25/2015:
 I've had this little picture on my kitchen windowsill for many years. It isn't a spectacular picture, but it is a significant picture.  Look a little closer.....

This is a picture of me with my little grandson Noah when he was about three years old.  He had come to visit us (with his parents) all the way from Maine to Florida.

Noah was a delightfully inquisitive and expressive child...so full of questions and exuberance about everything that surrounded him in his little world.  Pretty typical for a three year old...and yet uniquely wonderful...because he was our very first (and only) grandchild! So of course he was the brightest and best little boy
ever to call anyone "Grandma".

In this particular picture we were planting something together...a pineapple plant to be exact...after cutting off the top of a pineapple and planting the top with its leaves in the dirt.  For Noah this was a big adventure...and for me...well, it was a big adventure because we were doing this together...planting for our future.

I don't know whatever happened to that pineapple.  We didn't live in that particular house very long, and I didn't have a green thumb, so I think it went the way of most plants...it probably died.  But we had such fun together digging in the dirt and placing the pineapple in the ground and patting the dirt back around it...and then giving it a good watering.  We did this together... and that is what was significant and wonderful.  I was delighted and thrilled to be planting something with my grandson...such a joy and blessing from the Lord!

After they went back home to Maine I framed this little picture and placed a scripture verse on the glass...

"Delight thyself also in the Lord, 

and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart."

Psalm 37:4 KJV

and every time I looked at this picture I would pray for my grandson...and for myself to delight in the Lord as well. This child was such a delight, and even though we didn't get to spend much time together due to the distance between us, my prayer was that God would bless him and help him to grow strong in the Lord and strong in body, mind and heart. And that would be the desire of my heart for him.  

Noah, age 12, with a funny acorn.

As time went by this young boy grew stronger and taller and smarter every time we'd see him. He was always filled with joy and wonder about life. We were very proud of him, and continued to pray for God to bless him, and to give him (and us) the desires of our heart.

A few years ago something happened to change the direction of our prayers. His sweet daddy, our son Matthew, was diagnosed with an incurable and extremely aggressive cancer.  This was not the desire of our hearts for our son or for our grandson or for the rest of the family. This was a strange way to answer our prayers. I didn't understand. None of us understood God's plan.  But I kept praying and trying to delight myself in the Lord, with the hope that God would indeed give me the desire of my heart...and for the sake of our son and our grandson and his mama too, that God would hear my prayers and heal our son.  Sadly, that was not God's plan.  After a four year struggle, our son passed away one year ago, on May 25, 2014.  (click on link for that story).

Just recently my daughter in law Nicole sent me another picture.  As soon as I saw it my mind immediately went back to the little picture sitting on my windowsill, and I cried.
  

 This is a picture of my grandson Noah, quite grown up...fifteen years old. And here he is, planting in the ground again.  These plants are adorning the grave of his daddy.  Such a precious picture of love and devotion. I can imagine that Noah was talking to his daddy in his mind while he planted the flowers for him. 

And I looked at the little picture of us planting together when he was three, and I cried..."Lord, this is not how I thought life would turn out.  I thought if I delighted myself in YOU, that You would give me the desires of my heart.  The desire of my heart was never to see my grandson planting flowers on his father's grave...the grave of my precious son.  But, Lord, in Your sovereign will, this is where we are today. Now I must continue to pray for my grandson...and I must continue to delight myself in You...and I know that you WILL give me the desires of my heart concerning him.  My prayer was that he would grow up to be strong in the Lord, and strong in his body, mind, and heart. Even though I don't understand the way of Your plan, Lord, I will continue to trust in You...that perhaps even in this great loss and horrific sorrow, Your plan will be fulfilled. The desire of my heart will still be completed. 

The verses before and after Psalm 37:4 says this:

3."Trust in the Lord, and do good;

Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness.

4. Delight yourself also in the Lord,

and He shall give you the desires of your heart.

5. Commit your way to the Lord,

Trust also in Him,

and He shall bring it to pass.

6. He shall bring forth your

righteousness as the light,

and your justice as the noonday.

7. Rest in the Lord, 

and wait patiently for Him..."

I know that God is at work in this whole big picture.  He has promised to give me the desires of my heart concerning my grandson.  My part is to TRUST, DELIGHT, COMMIT, AND REST IN THE LORD...and He shall bring it to pass. 

I know that my son Matthew's  greatest desire was that his son would grow up to be strong in the Lord as well. 

Our son Matthew baptizing his son Noah

 He laid a firm foundation for him to stand upon. Things have been a bit rough, but God has promised to give us the desires of our hearts. So I will trust in Him.  He knows exactly what He's doing!

Noah and his Daddy Matthew doing Tae Kwon Do together

Noah and his Daddy walking in the woods

Noah and his Daddy on the big Moose Hunt
(click on the caption for this story)

Noah and Matthew in "The Shaving Lesson"
(click on the caption for this story)

Nicole, Matthew, and Noah on their last vacation together in St. Augustine, Feb. 2014

This story is dedicated to my grandson Noah, in loving memory of his daddy, our son Matthew, written for this Memorial Day, May 25th, 2015, the first year anniversary of Matthew's entrance into heaven.  May God hear my prayers and give me the desire of my heart.  Amen.