"Stevie Was My Friend" ~ Random Journal Day Entry

Today is time again for the Random Journal Day post...where those who wish to open their journals or diaries or early writings and share them with the public do so...sometimes with fear and trepidation...and oftentimes with memories flooding our hearts and minds as we rediscover old dreams, joys, fears, and hopes.  The journal entry that I am going to share with you tonight was actually a poem written out of my anguished heart as I tried to cope with the early death of one of my childhood friends. We had grown up together in school, church, and community, and shared many happy memories as a part of the same class for all twelve years of school. "Stevie" was only thirty years old when he succombed to a disease that had been ravaging his body for at least ten years...and I had deep feelings of regret mixed with anxiety over his possible eternal destination...questions that lingered some eight years after his passing.  I finally tried to put those feelings all down on paper as a way of reconciling my heart to the truth that he was gone much too soon...and I would have to wait until I reached heaven to have some of my questions answered. 

Poetry has never been my strong suit, but it seemed to be the method that helped me put things in perspective.  Here is what I wrote on November 29, 1988:

"Stevie Was My Friend"

Stevie was my friend ~

I knew him way back then ~

We were little kids in school

and we learned the "Golden Rule".

I know when we were seven

We were taught all about heaven ~

"Miss Marion" saw to that

in her little old fashioned hat.

In Sunday School we heard

all about God's Holy Word.

But I wonder how deep it went...

I wonder~did Stevie repent?

We all thought we were just fine~

Surely there would be plenty of time~

We'd worry later about heaven~

After all, we were only seven.

The days flew rapidly by~

Soon we were in Junior High.

We were still the best of friends...

Who cared about our sins?

This was the time to enjoy~

to be happy...

"we're just a girl and a boy"

You see, Stevie was my friend;

We had fun way back then.

All through the years we searched~

We looked for meaning in our church.

Off to youth camp we would go~

Seeking what?  We did not know.

I know our hearts were pricked;

But I wonder, Stevie, did it stick?

What happened to you inside?

Did you in the Lord confide?

But we were just in our youth~

Did we really want the TRUTH?

After all, we had plenty of time~

We thought we were just fine.

Our teen years were full of trials,

and yet we shared many smiles.

We laughed until we cried~

Who thought we'd ever die?

Stevie was a very good friend;

I loved him way back then.

Then came Graduation Day;

And I know I heard you say,

"I wish someone loved me"~

I guess I couldn't see~

You felt so empty then...

But, Stevie, you were my friend!

And soon off to college you went;

The road of our lives was bent.

You went off along your way~

Would I see you again someday?

Alas! My day had come;

I found salvation in God's Only Son.

I finally knew what it meant

to be free of sin and repent.

My husband soon I met,

and we rode off into the sunset.

But, Stevie, you were still my friend~

I thought of you even then.

At college they say your life was changed.

Somehow your goals got re-arranged.

Rumors would drift back home

about the life they said you'd known.

I'd give you the benefit of doubt.

I didn't know what they were talking about.

'Cause, Stevie, you were my friend.

I knew you way back when.

Soon off to New York you traveled.

In several things you dabbled.

I guess I sort of lost track

now that I look back.

My life was rich and full;

No day was ever dull;

With my three sons to keep in line,

I stayed busy all the time.

Oh, how the years did fly!

Ten years just flew right by.

And now the time had come

for our ten-year class reunion.

You were very much on my mind;

So I thought I'd drop you a little line

to tell you I hoped you'd be there~

We had so much to share!

By now my husband was a preacher~

(You thought I'd married a teacher!)

I really just had to know~

Did you ever to church still go?

Did you remember our fun at camp?

Could you spare the price of a stamp

and write me a little letter?

You know it would make me feel much better,

if only I could know

just where your soul would go.

You see, Stevie, You're my friend~

I'll care about you even then.

Yes, you came to our reunion;

We really had such fun.

I tried to share my faith...

but wound up hiding my face

in tears and laughter

'cause my foot

within my mouth I did put!

You were so very kind...

You didn't seem to mind...

Because you were still my friend.

You liked me, even then!

A couple more years were gone,

A battle needed to be won.

Your health was failing fast;

No one knew how long you'd last.

First it was Hepatitis;

Then it was Meningitis;

And finally your day had come;

God came to take you home.

The news really broke my heart.

I felt I'd died in part;

'Cause, Stevie was my friend;

I still loved you even then.

And then the fears and doubt...

Did you know what I was talking about?

Did you ever come face to face

with Christ's unfailing grace?

Where was your soul today?

Did the angels bear you away?

Or did Satan stake his claim

and even erase your name

from the pages of eternal life...

to a place filled with pain and strife?

Oh, how the years have flown;

My kids are almost grown;

But you are still on my mind,

Never mind the passage of time.

I somehow can't forget;

There is hope in my heart even yet;

Someday again in Heaven

(we'll be much older than seven)

Upon your face I'll look,

And see your name written in The Book;

'Cause, Stevie, you're still my friend;

I pray I'll see you then!

Love,

Your Friend,

Pam

In Loving Memory of Stevie, my friend

1950-1980