Some Yearnings of My Soul

Romans 12:13  “Distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality…”

The following is an excerpt from my personal journal, written over 20 years ago, when we were serving in the ministry in a church in the midwest...
It was during these years that I starting expressing a need to feel a greater sense of purpose and fulfillment in my life.  Maybe it was my own little type of “mid-life crisis”…although I was not quite yet forty.  But I think it was because we had moved so much in our lives and even though we owned our home at that particular church, I still longed for a home where I felt like I truly belonged.  I poured out my thoughts and desires in my journal in this way on my thirty-eighth birthday:

“I believe, for now, I am doing all God wants me to do—of course there is room for improvement, but I know I am in the center of His will as far as His place for me in life.  I wouldn’t want to be any other place.  But I just feel like life is rushing past me so quickly, and I have not even begun to do all that I want to do in this life.  Maybe God doesn’t intend for me to do everything, but I hope I’ll get to do some of it!  I really can’t even put into words just what I think I am supposed to be doing!  I know that spiritually I fall way behind.  The Ladies’ Bible Study is a beginning, but I believe God wants to use me even more in a discipling ministry with women, and perhaps even young people.  But first, I feel a need to be further discipled myself!  I’d also like to do some writing; books that are spiritually meaningful and helpful.”  (Here I am Lord, twenty+ years later…is it time now?)

I went on to describe my favorite dream home, and I think it is something that needs to be shared with anyone who wants to read this.  It may be your dream too!  I can tell you this, that I have not let go of this dream yet, and it continues to haunt my heart…

“My other dream is to have a home that is a haven for people who need to feel ‘at home’.  A cozy, comfortable, secure, interesting, warm and happy place to be; relaxing and homey, with places to just curl up and read a good book by the fire with a cup of tea.  Gardens full of fresh flowers in the spring, summer and fall, and lots of snow in winter!  Woods to walk through, hearing the autumn leaves crunch as the gorgeous colors float past…where one might come across a deer, or rabbit, or even a fox!  A nice dog to be a companion on walks—a collie or a golden retriever is nice—perhaps an old barn with the sweet smell of hay and the earthy aroma of manure; a cow or two, maybe a horse and a buggy, some cats lying around soaking up the sun, ducks on the pond, geese in the fields…maybe a cool, bubbling brook meandering through the woods.

Back inside the house one walks into the welcoming fragrance of coffee brewing, and the sounds of a whistling tea kettle calling us to "tea time". There would be the spicy aroma of an apple pie baking in the oven, a pot of homemade vegetable beef soup bubbling on the top of the stove.  It’s a big country kitchen with old-fashioned warmth. Perhaps there is an old wood cook-stove, freshly baked bread, a big basket of apples just picked from the orchard; and a larder full of vegetables gathered from the garden.

I guess I must really want a farmhouse…a place where people are always about…family, friends, missionaries, neighbors, kids, grandkids, grandmothers and grandfathers, college kids away from home, old friends passing through…an inn of sorts, but we never have a ‘no-vacancy’ sign…there is always room for more laughter, more songs, more tears, more prayers, more stories, more games, more sharing, more caring, and most of all, more love.”

I continued on in my journal to say,

“Maybe my ‘mansion’ in heaven will be like this, but it’s so needed here on earth!  If I need it, then many others must need it even more!  Lord, do You hear my heartbeat?  Do You understand what I’m saying? Is this an impossible dream?  Is it not something You want for me?  If not, then I can live with that, but, please, Lord, help me to make every home in which I live a place where You are welcome first of all…and then all those You bring my way.  Help me to always have an open heart and an open home.  Help others to share in this dream too, if it please Thee, dear Lord.”

I concluded this journal entry by writing, “Well, my boys are baking me a cake for my birthday, the first time ever!  I am trying to stay out of the way so I don’t end up having to do it myself!  Thank you Lord, for understanding.  I love you Lord.”

Twenty + years later I am still waiting for the fulfillment of that dream, and yet, in many ways we have had that dream come true throughout the years…maybe not in the literal sense as described above, but certainly in our open hearts and open homes…we have tried to be available to loved ones and friends, strangers and passers-by alike.  And perhaps even this blog is a way to bring a time of laughter, comfort, inspiration and encouragement to its readers.  If we can’t be somewhere in the true physical literal sense, we can certainly be there in our imaginations and hearts…and that is where it all begins.

Thank you for taking a moment away from your busy day to spend a few minutes with me, sharing the vision, welcoming the flood of thoughts that are working their way through your heart and mind right now as we visit our dreams together.  As our world hurls itself deeper and deeper into the chaos and turbulence of recession, depression and uncertainty...we all need a place of quiet rest and peace.  Spend a little time each day, reading God's Word first of all, and then allowing His Holy Spirit to minister to you, and through you to others in your circle of influence.   Kind of reminds me of John and Yoko Lennon's song, "Imagine"...but in a true spiritual sense, living in God's real place of peace.

Ahhhhh...I needed that. Amen.