RJD: Discerning God's Will

I was about to give up on writing anything for this month's Random Journal Day...I really don't have a large number of old journals like most of my writing friends.  My journal writing has been pretty much hit and miss for the past few years...and so much of what I wrote in the earlier years seems dated...or has too much personal information to share. So to share something at random is a bit risky for me.  Therefore, I must confess, I do read over the posts carefully before sharing.  But I think I finally found something. So here I sit at my computer desk, with a blank screen before me, and my journal open and ready for perusal.

This particular entry was written on Friday, May 3, 1985.  I was full of stuff to say on this particular day, as this journal entry was eight pages long! Don't worry, I'm not going to share all of it...just the parts that are "shareable".

To give you a little history...we were in a place of ministry, but my husband was searching for a different place to minister where he would feel more fulfilled. We had been looking for a while, and things just weren't developing as we had hoped they would.  Here is what I wrote in my prayer conversation (monologue?) with God:

"No, not a perfect church--there is no such place on earth.  But I do believe there can be a perfect situation for us..a place where we can be fulfilled in our life's calling to the ministry.  Lord, You know where that place is.  Please, Lord, unlock the door.  Open the gates of Your love and mercy shown to us in the past.  Perhaps we are not yet worthy of the place we'd like to be...Yes, I'm sure we aren't...but Lord, if You waited on Your servants to be worthy of their calling, would anything ever be done?

Lord, we know we're not worthy to be called Your children even, let alone your chosen servants, but Lord, with You helping us and strengthening us--we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.  Lord God, it is Christ Who makes us worthy of our calling...it is His blood that makes us worthy to be called a child of the King.  Lord, I can't sit here and fool You...You know my thoughts and my desires.  I pray You do not judge me too harshly.  Lord, I am willing to go where You want me to go...just give me wisdom to discern what is Your will, and not my own will.  But Lord, Your Word teaches us that if we have the faith the size of a mustard seed...and say to that mountain, "be ye removed,"  it shall be done of my heavenly Father.

Lord, I'm asking You to remove the barriers that stand between us and joyful service in Your kingdom.  I'm not even sure what they are, but You know.  Help us Lord, to be all that You want us to be...and to do what You want us to do.  I don't want to be selfish and demand like a spoiled child that You give me my desires...but I do believe that if "we delight ourselves in the Lord, You will give us the desires of our hearts."
Maybe that's the key...maybe we're not delighting in You enough.  Forgive me, Lord, and help me to delight in You.  I want to be joyful in Thee.  It's not You, Lord, that I'm disappointed in, or maybe I'm fooling myself...if I'm not contented with what You've done for me, then maybe I'm not contented with You.  Forgive me, Lord, I didn't mean to be discontented.  I know You've provided abundantly, and with much love You have always showered Your blessings on us.  I'm sorry, Lord.  I've not been very grateful lately.  But Lord, something is missing in my soul.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Perhaps I've neglected too much in communication with You.  I know that's true.  Help me, Lord to correct that.  I'm not fit to be in this position, and here I'm desiring a better one.  Forgive me, Lord.

But Lord, I need some positive reinforcement...no, maybe not...maybe I need chastening.  I guess I'm just confused.  Jesus, I need Your help and guidance...not MY will, but Thine be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Lord, I have confidence that You WILL see us through...You WILL have YOUR way in our lives...You won't cast us away.  You've bought us with a price, and we are valuable in Your sight.  Use us today, Lord.  Keep us on the right track. "Guide me, oh, Thou Great Jehovah."

Thank you, Lord, for your healing balm...that soothes my soul and makes me whole.  Oh God, in THEE Do We Trust!  Amen!"


Postscript:  Within about three months from this writing we were called to a better situation.  God did hear our prayers and answered abundantly.  I still had a lot to learn about faith and God's will, but He chose to continue the lessons with love and mercy. He's still teaching me...and "strengthening" me in the process...my One Word for 2014...funny how it keeps popping up....part of God's design? Yep. 


Now go visit with my other journaling friends and see what they've been up to.  http://beneaththesurface-dawn.blogspot.com/2014/01/happy-new-year-and-1st-random-journal.html