Whom Shall I Fear???

"Remember, When God closes a door, He opens a window." This is about a ten year old picture of my son Matthew and his wife Nicole and their son Noah...but it is one that shows the joyous spirit of this precious family. Please continue to keep them in your prayers. Thank you.  (click on pictures to enlarge for viewing)

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; 

Whom shall I fear?  

The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?  

When the wicked came against me to eat up my flesh, my enemies and foes...

they stumbled and fell.  

Though an army may encamp against me, My heart shall not fear; 

Though war may rise against me, in this I will be confident."  Psalm 27:1-3

I had a rough start to my morning...battled depressing thoughts for the first 15 miles of my 30 mile commute to work.  Heavy on my heart was my wonderful son, Matthew, who is in a battle for his life against an unrelenting foe....cancer.  Desmoplastic Small Round Cell Tumor, to be exact.  A rare and aggressive cancer, usually attacking children.  Matthew is almost 40.  He started this fight almost three years ago.  Today he had a CT Scan to determine the source of the escalating pain in his back, even though he is in the middle of a course of strong chemotherapy.

So I started my ride thinking about this and praying that God would intervene on Matthew's behalf...and not only for him, but for his strong and wonderful wife Nicole, and their handsome and intelligent thirteen year old son, Noah.  They live over 1500 miles from us, so I feel so helpless. Even if I were there I would probably just be in the way, but my mother heart longs to be there to hold on to my precious son and spend as much time as possible drinking in his presence, his person, his spirit.  Matthew is a very strong person spiritually.  He has been the recipient of many acts of mercy and miracles in his young life already. I've seen God at work in his life since before he was even born...truly! So why would God quit working now? Do we have a limited number of miracles that we are allowed while on this earth, and once we've used them up our time is up?  Well...no, I don't think God works that way.  But I do know that we each only have a limited amount of time on this earth, and when God is ready to call us home, He will. Until then, we are to live our lives fully and gratefully.


I said above that I battled depressing thoughts for the first 15 miles of my 30 mile journey.  What happened to the other 15 miles? Well, I listened to God talking to me as I drove along.  How? Primarily through the Christian radio station that I listen to every day (The JoyFM, which I've mentioned before). God blesses me every day through that broadcast...through the music and even through the DJ's that start the morning off with laughter and joy...they call themselves "The Morning Cruise"...anyway...today the song they played that turned my thoughts around was "Whom Shall I fear?" by Chris Tomlin.

"You hear me when I call
You are my morning song
Though darkness fills the night
It cannot hide the light

Whom shall I fear

You crush the enemy
Underneath my feet
You are my sword and shield
Though troubles linger still

Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side


The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

My strength is in Your name
For You alone can save
You will deliver me
Yours is the victory

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

And nothing formed against me shall stand
You hold the whole world in Your hands
I'm holding on to Your promises

You are faithful
You are faithful
You are faithful

I know who goes before me
I know who stands behind me

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The one who reigns forever
He is a friend of mine

The God of angel armies
Is always by my side

The God of angel armies
is always by my side"

By the time I got through singing this song along with Chris Tomlin, I was smiling and clapping (and, yes, driving too...)  But I could visualize this God of Angel Armies by my son's side (as well as mine)...and this One Who reigns forever...He IS a friend of mine...and of Matthew's.  And "NOTHING FORMED AGAINST ME (OR MATTHEW) SHALL STAND!"   God, You "hold the whole world in YOUR hands...and yes! I AM holding on to Your promises!"   

Hey...if you are going through a difficult time and feel like the world is crashing in on you or your loved ones...start singing and claiming God's promises and victory in Jesus...HE IS this God of angel armies...picture that!  Angel armies...always by my side...and if THAT doesn't lift your spirit and set your heart to singing and your feet to dancing...I don't know what will!  By the time I arrived at work I could hardly suppress a shout of victory! I know people around me in the parking lot would've thought I'd gone a little crazy...and maybe I did...but it was a good kind of crazy, and I thank the Lord for it!

The news from the CT Scan wasn't very encouraging.  The current chemotherapy is not doing the job. They have to rethink the plan.  Come up with a new scheme of treatment.  But, maybe that is exactly what God wanted them to do! Maybe HE is the one who is directing their path!  This "God of angel armies....is always by my side...The One who reigns forever...He IS a friend of mine!"  

 The title of my blog is "Closed Doors, Open Windows".  The picture above is a tiny little plaque on my kitchen windowsill that says, "Remember, When God closes a  door, He opens a window."  That is the saying that inspired this blog....and today I believe that God has closed a door on traditional methods of treatment that are not working...and He is opening a door to some new ideas and medicines that are still in development.  Matthew told his oncologist today that he is very open to using new experimental drugs that are still being tested...in a trial study...and perhaps this could be God's way of bringing healing to him...and possibly to many others who are suffering with this seemingly incurable disease.  Time will tell...this may be an open window to healing.  

Regardless of the outcome...I know that "The God of angel armies is always by my side"...and by my son's side as well.  "Whom shall I fear?"  "I know Who goes before me, I know Who stands behind me..."

Thank you, Lord, for this encouragement and hope You have given us today. Thank you for your healing balm to my troubled soul.  Thank you for sharing Your Word across the air waves...right into my car as I drove along in a dark place....You brought me light and hope. Thank you, dear "God of angel armies...You ARE a friend of mine!"

Do you ever wash dishes by candlelight? That's what I did tonight...and it soothed my soul
and gave me time to reflect on these thoughts before writing them down. I don't know how
clean the dishes are, but my heart and soul feels clean! Try it sometime. Candlelight is
very therapeutic.  Now I'll go turn on the lights and check the dishes before I put them away...maybe.
Maybe not.
Good night.