Moments of Grace: Who Do You See in the Mirror?

Yesterday as I was going through my morning routine of washing my face, brushing my hair and putting on makeup, I caught a glimpse of my face in the mirror that reminded me of my maternal grandmother.  It was a fleeting look, a certain pose that I remembered seeing in a photograph of her that used to hang on the wall in the home I grew up in.  It rather startled me at first, but then it was such a pleasant thought..."I look like my Grandma Tedlie".  No one had ever said that before.

 Since I've recently retired, I have more time on my hands it seems...and I suddenly felt like playing with this little scenario.  After searching out a copy of the familiar portrait of my grandmother, I decided to dress up similar to the way she was dressed, and then see if I truly did look anything like her.  My husband was willing to humor me and said he would do the honor of taking my picture.

Here's my beautiful Grandma:

And here I am, trying to look like her.

Then, crazy woman that I am, I put this on Facebook.  The reviews were mixed.  Some said yes, definitely! Especially the cheekbones. And others said they couldn't see any resemblance at all.  Those who know me well declared that I must be "losing it" and that I need something more to do with my time.  Could be.

As I pondered this I wondered to myself just why did I do this kooky thing? Am I "losing it", or am I just having a little fun and playing "dress up" like a little girl again.  Is that so bad?  One of my friends said that she thought the side by side pictures would please my grandmother very much.  I like that thought. I never got to spend much time with my grandma.  We moved to Florida when I was only five, and my grandparents lived in Ohio.  Consequently, we got to see them only once a year when we took a summer trip to visit.  Unfortunately, my grandmother was not well for quite a few years, and then she passed away when I was fifteen.  So I always felt like I really didn't get to know her and she truly didn't know me either.

Okay, enough of this nostalgia.  What is really going on here? Perhaps it is a type of search for my identity.  I've often wondered about my ancestors, and have thought how wonderful it will be to meet them all face to face someday in heaven and discover who they are and who I really do resemble.

More than all the ancestors, however, I look forward to seeing my Lord and Savior face to face...and hopefully discover that He is the One Whom I resemble most of all.

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord."  

2 Corinthians 3:18

Here is an old hymn that expresses my thoughts and desires:

O To Be Like Thee, Blessed Redeemer  By Thomas O. Chisholm, written in 1897.  (Click on the link to hear this beautiful hymn)

O to be like Thee! blessèd Redeemer,
This is my constant longing and prayer;
Gladly I’ll forfeit all of earth’s treasures,
Jesus, Thy perfect likeness to wear.

Refrain

O to be like Thee! O to be like Thee,
Blessèd Redeemer, pure as Thou art;
Come in Thy sweetness, come in Thy fullness;
Stamp Thine own image deep on my heart.

O to be like Thee! full of compassion,
Loving, forgiving, tender and kind,
Helping the helpless, cheering the fainting,
Seeking the wandering sinner to find.

Refrain

O to be like Thee! lowly in spirit,
Holy and harmless, patient and brave;
Meekly enduring cruel reproaches,
Willing to suffer others to save.

Refrain

O to be like Thee! Lord, I am coming
Now to receive anointing divine;
All that I am and have I am bringing,
Lord, from this moment all shall be Thine.

Refrain

O to be like Thee! while I am pleading,
Pour out Thy Spirit, fill with Thy love;
Make me a temple meet for Thy dwelling,
Fit me for life and Heaven above.

Refrain

"For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.  

Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known."

I Corinthians 13:12

Lord, I pray that day by day I am being changed into Your glorious image. 

Forgive me when I take my eyes off of You and focus more on me or the things of this world.

And thank You, Lord, for the marvelous gift of God...Salvation...

"For by GRACE you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves,

it is the Gift of God,

Not of works, lest anyone should boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9

Amen.

Quick Change Artist (Rerun)

(This is a "rerun", originally "aired" on 9/20/13, but nothing much has changed...I'm still that same "quick change artist"...and these thoughts are still right-on for me and my situation...and maybe yours as well! Read on...and if you didn't comment the last time, feel free to do so this time!)

Been kicking some thoughts around in my head this week, and never got around to putting them on paper, so now I will try to remember what they were.  Usually when I think I've got something really good to say, by the time I get around to saying it it no longer seems quite so special.  Perhaps things have happened to change my viewpoint, or to draw my attention to other topics even more significant. (In my mind, that is)

Earlier this week I was thinking about how I sometimes feel like the female version of Superman, not in the powerful superhero sense, but in the quick change of clothes in the phone booth from Clark Kent, Newspaper Reporter, to Superman.  But my quick change is just the opposite...like when I come home from my job as a church business administrator everyday, dressed semi-professionally, (dress pants, shoes, top/jacket depending on the season, etc.), the minute I walk in the door of my house at the end of the day, off come the shoes, the jewelry (why is it I feel naked when I go out the door if I don't have on my watch, rings, earrings, bracelet, necklace, but the minute I walk in the door of my house I suddenly feel like I am being strangled by too many "chains" around my body?)...and then I peel off my slacks, top, and grab the most comfy, loose fitting, somewhat stained and grungy t-shirt and capris, and slide my feet into the softest, lighter than air shoes (my new Skechers Go Walk shoes)
and then I breathe such a sigh of relief...I am home.
I am the real me again.  Not that I don't feel I am
the real me at my job, but that's the other me.  The
professional me who has to think, make decisions,
figure out problems, deal with weighty issues, sometimes financial, sometimes supervisory, sometimes unpleasant situations that fall on my shoulders because "that's your job".

Of course, I often have similar issues to deal with when I get home...make decisions, figure out problems, deal with weighty issues, OFTENTIMES financial, sometimes "supervisory"...and even deal with unpleasant situations because that's my job as a mother, wife, homemaker, cook, bill payer, etc....but when I'm home I'm on safe ground...I know I am beloved, treasured, and secure. I am not in danger of losing my position because I didn't handle something right, or forgot some very important deadline, or called in sick too often.  When I am home, I am free to be me. I can breathe...I can laugh, I can cry, I can get angry and be forgiven...I am loved unconditionally.

Now please don't get the wrong idea here, especially if you happen to know me at my place of employment and wonder if something has triggered all this...No, nothing has happened. I am just making general observations here...probably most people who are employed can relate to this no matter where they work.

I don't have any astounding revelations here or answers to these questions...just thinking out loud. One thing I do know for certain...even if I wasn't exactly beloved, treasured and secure in my home, I am beloved, treasured, and secure with my Lord.

"Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God!"       I John 3:1

"In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins."  I John 4:10

"But God demonstrates His love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, 

Christ died for us."

Romans 5:8

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." John 3:16

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear..." I John 4:18a

Therefore, I do not fear that I will not be loved or accepted by my Heavenly Father...He loved me before I was even born...I am highly treasured by God...no matter what position I am in, what clothes I wear, or what I do to try to make myself appear righteous and noble...He loves me...just the way I am. My righteousness is as filthy rags (Isaiah 64:6)...without God, I am nothing. But in Christ, I am precious in His sight.  And so are you, dear friend, if you belong to Jesus.  And if you are not certain about that...ask Him to show you how much He loves you. You may be surprised at what you will discover.

This is the real me, taking a walk in the woods and loving that feeling of freedom
from pressure and deadlines...
On the journey of life...precious and beloved...as are you, my friend.

UPDATED PICTURE 6/18/15...This is the real me today, except I still have on my jewelry...but I can't
wait to get home and sit in my rocker on my front porch and "RELAX", like it says in the sign above my head! 

Self-Perception

I've had a little lesson in perception this week. Some good, some not so good. About myself. And about human nature in general I suppose.  Have you ever wondered how other people see you?  I guess I never really thought that much about it, at least not that I ever really dwelt on consciously.  But I think subconsciously I've thought about it a lot more than I like to admit.  And I discovered something.  I really didn't know how other people saw me.  I probably still don't.  Let me tell you what happened so you'll get the picture. Speaking of which:

"The Picture"

I was informed by several of my childhood friends this week that the little girl on the left in this picture is me.
I argued and argued that it couldn't be me "because I was never that little!"  My girlfriends, including the one on the right in this picture informed me that it was definitely me, and that she and the other girl who actually took this picture said that they were tall for their age at this time (we were in 6th grade), and that they were bigger than me, and that this was definitely me. I had never seen this picture before, and as I scanned the features of the young girl in such a silly pose with her tongue sticking out of the corner of her mouth and wearing a crazy jaunty little hat sporting a very tall plume on top, I honestly could not believe that it was truly me. I don't remember the bathing suit. I don't remember the hat, although as I thought more and more about it, it seems as though we did go to the county fair and probably bought those hats there.

This was supposedly at our 6th grade class picnic at the end of the school year.  And as I thought about it, the other girls who were so much taller and more "matured" than I in most areas of young girlhood, were actually several months older than I was.  My birthday is in late September, and back in those days we could start first grade as long as we turned six years old before the end of December.  Since then that policy has changed, and a child must now turn six prior to September 1st in order to start first grade. So, by today's standards, my girlfriends and I would never have been allowed to be in the same grade together! I would have been held back another year...and Oh! What a tragedy that would have been! When I think about that possibility, I thank the good Lord for the policy that we had when I started school, because I don't think I would be the same person today if I had been forced to grow up with different children in a different age category.  (We were blessed in that most of us stayed in the same school all 12 years and graduated together.  A rare occurrence in this day and age.)

Anyway, I digress...  While this "conversation" about this particular picture was going on in a "Facebook" dialogue, one of our other former young girlfriends was also having an issue with her own self-perception as we, (mostly me) most vociferously challenged this now mature woman (my same age) that the pictures posted of her were most definitely her. She could not believe it, and even denied that she ever wore the particular clothes and shoes that she was wearing in the picture (again, back in our early school days), and that she was never that "fat" (she wasn't fat...just normal 6th grade girl shape), and she wasn't even too sure that she was still attending the same school with us in that particular year.  I found myself almost regressing into a kind of school girl bully in challenging this now  60+ year old woman that the picture was most definitely her, and that we must know her better than she knew herself because we had several different "witnesses" testify that the picture was indeed her! (One "witness" was her own brother!)

As this "conversation" continued on, it became apparent that she was growing frustrated with us (me) and I discovered that I had a real problem.  I just had to prove my point! I could not let go of this discussion and became rather obnoxious in my determination to be right!  And yet, I was doing the very same thing myself in that I could not admit or believe that the picture of me could really be me either! My own perception of myself was a totally different image.

That's when it hit me.  I really haven't grown up very much since the 6th grade. I still have this need to "prove my point", and always be right!  (Just ask my family). When things are pointed out to me about myself, I want to argue or deny the obvious truth.  I don't want to admit that I could ever possibly be wrong. As this realization dawned on me I found myself actually walking around in my front yard telling myself that I needed to give it up and grow up.  I also needed to apologize to a certain "old friend".

So, how about you? What is your self-perception? Have you ever seen yourself as others see you? Maybe not just in an old schoolgirl picture, but now, as an adult? It's kind of scary. I don't like what I see in me, and I need to make some changes.

"When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child;

but when I became a man (woman), I put away childish things.

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then face to face.

Now I know in part, but then I shall know just as I also am known.

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

but the greatest of these is love."

I Corinthians 13:11-13

It's time for me to put away childish things, attitudes, behaviors, and act like the woman God has created me to be.  I need to also practice sharing the love that He has shown me.  Never too old to learn something new.

Here I am (far right) with some of those same girls a few months later. (Halloween)
I was beginning to 'catch up' with them, finally!