Wondering About Heaven - Updated

I originally wrote this post two years ago...and this has been on my mind again today. I feel like the day ought to be remembered as it was a wonderful occasion, joining two beautiful hearts as one, and two families became united in a unique relationship that doesn't stop at the grave. Cancer is a deadly foe, but it can't destroy the love that lasts for eternity.
 
We miss our son in so many ways...but we are thankful for the marvelous memories that we have and also for the gift of our one and only grandchild that came as a result of this union.  Matthew's legacy lives on in his son and will continue on in the generations to come.

Nicole, Matthew, and their son Noah, February, 2014

Original Post 8/7/2014:
Not sure what to write today.  It is the 21st wedding anniversary of my son Matthew and his wife Nicole.

But Matthew is in heaven...since May 25th of this year. I wonder if he has thought about this day at all from his vantage point in heaven?  Don't you sometimes wonder what people in heaven think about? I do.
Especially since my son joined my parents (his maternal grandparents), his paternal grandfather,

1993: Wedding Rehearsal party, Matt greeting his
Grandpa Mursch who just arrived.   Looking on
is his Granddaddy Steiner and Nanny Steiner.  I wonder
if this was how they greeted each other in heaven?

Granddaddy Steiner, Grandma Mursch, and Grandpa Mursch (my parents),
Who were all waiting for Matthew when he arrived in heaven.

I wonder if Matthew is dancing with his Grandma on the streets of gold tonight?

and all the other greats and great-great ancestors. And all the saints of old...and of course, Jesus Himself, first of all and best of all.

Regarding marriage in heaven, Jesus said, "For in the resurrection they neither marry nor are given in marriage, but are like angels of God in heaven."  Matthew 22:30

This does not mean that people in heaven won't recognize or know their spouse or loved ones, but only that those relationships are no longer necessary in heaven. We will all be like the angels of God...everyone will love everyone equally is what that says to me. One very big family reunion!

The other day I was sitting on the sun porch, watching the birds in the back yard flitting to and fro, busily gathering seeds and flying back to their nests possibly to feed their young, and I was suddenly aware of the feeling that I was not alone.

I don't say this to give anyone the heebie-jeebies or make you think I'm weird. (You probably already do, so this will be no great revelation!)  I was actually thinking of how much my parents would have enjoyed this home and the surroundings, and how pleased they would be to know that I had such a home to enjoy. They both had already passed on when we were able to buy this house...actually it is because of their gift to their children as our inheritance that we were able to even consider this place. But that is another story...and a miraculous one at that.

No, what I was thinking was that perhaps my parents and grandparents and all those before them could be smiling down upon this scene and rejoicing with us. That's when I remembered that they were actually sitting right behind me on the shelves, well, at least their pictures were, and it gave me such a feeling of peace. Hard to explain, but it was a good feeling, and I had to stop and give thanks for such wonderful parents and grandparents...all who set a godly example for me...and who loved all their children with such a tender sweetness.

"Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let  us run with endurance the race that is set before us,

looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him

endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."

Hebrews 12:1-2

How can I sum this up? Here are some thoughts for my own self and perhaps for you as well:

• When you are feeling sad or lonely, or missing  loved ones who have gone on to their heavenly home, picture them happy in heaven. 
• Don't dwell on the sorrow or the emptiness.  Dwell on the joy that is now theirs, and will some day be yours.
• Don't get bogged down by circumstances that you are unable to change here.  Focus your eyes on Jesus, "The Author and Finisher of our faith...who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross..."
• Run your race with confidence and endurance...the reward of heaven is in sight.
• "Be at peace among yourselves." I Thessalonians 5:13
• "Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."  I Thessalonians 5:16-18

This gives me a sense of peace and comfort tonight. I hope there is something here for you too. 

Have a blessed day my friend.

This Will Probably Be a Mish-Mash of Thoughts

The title expresses what I am thinking...a "mish-mash" of thoughts.  What exactly does that mean? It means that I have so many things going around in my head that I can't seem to focus on any one thing to make much sense, so I will just say whatever random things pop into my head (that are printable...Ha!)

"This is the the day that the Lord has made! I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24)

Someone painted this smiley face on a cut tree by the side of our road. I thought it might make you smile today.

That's a good way to start.  It kind of settled my brain a bit.  I was having a few moments of wishful thinking about things that I cannot do or have or change, and I needed to remember just how much I have already...and to be thankful.

This past week was a little bit stressful in some ways.  Still dealing with the loss of my son almost two months ago. Can't believe it has been that long already.  My thoughts this week have been that it seems as though when a person dies, people just stop talking about him all of a sudden. As if he never existed. It's almost like people are afraid to mention his name for fear it might cause sorrow or sadness. I find myself looking at his pictures

Matthew, me, and  his son Noah, October 2013 in Maine

and thinking that he really can't be gone...surely he's still up there in his home in Maine, and we'll all see each other again soon.  But then I remember that he's not there, and I cannot just pick up the phone and talk to him like I used to almost every day, and it makes me sad. So, sometimes I talk to him anyway as I drive home after work in my car...tell him I love him and miss him and that I hope he's having a wonderful time in heaven...(of course he is! How could he NOT have a wonderful time in heaven?)

No, I'm not going crazy. Just dealing with grief.  One sweet lady who happened to stop by my office this week asked me how I was doing, and she actually acted like she was interested in knowing the answer, and so I told her how I was feeling and about some of the things I was dealing with and wondering what to do about. She responded with some excellent words of counsel and advice, and took a few extra moments to listen and express her very positive and caring thoughts.  I can tell you that those five minutes of conversation did me a world of good. It was wonderful to be able to talk to someone about my son and not feel like they were shying away and afraid to listen.

My father used to say that when he died we would all look through his things and wonder why he kept this or that, or what he was going to do with such and such, and find out more about the things he loved and dreamed about.  I am sorry to say that we were in such a hurry to clean out his house and get it sold and the property divided appropriately among the heirs that there was little time to sort through his personal papers and things that he saved...and except for the more obvious items like furniture, antiques, tools, and other things of "value", a lot of other stuff just simply went away. The people who were in charge of the estate sale sold off the remaining piles of leftover items, books, papers, to the "pickers" who bought everything that was left in one lot and cleaned out the house and hauled a lot of stuff to the dump. I've often wondered what "treasures" my father was talking about that may have disappeared in that deal...and I guess we'll never know. It grieves me that we didn't have the time or take the time to sit down and read the things he had saved or written.  We might have learned a lot from them.

However, then I pause to remember that the most important "treasures" he left us cannot be held in our hands. They are the memories of the wonderful things we did together as a family...the lessons he taught us and lived before us every day.  It is the same with our son Matthew. We have such treasures in our hearts of the memories of the life he lived and the things he believed and lived; the way he raised his own son, who is quickly becoming a fine young man with the qualities and values he learned from his father.

My grandson Noah helping his uncle build a memorial arbor in the garden created in his father's memory.

Job well done...as you can tell by the smiles and the sweat!

I look at all the "stuff" I have in my home, and think about the things I have written and tucked away in secret drawers and boxes that hopefully my family will find when I am gone and not let it get away, but then again, it is the life that I have lived before them and the things of the heart and spirit that I have hopefully taught them that will be lasting memories. If my life hasn't been a true picture of the things that are important to me, then it really won't matter what they read later. My life needs to measure up to the values espoused in my writing, or the writing isn't true anyway.

Okay, this "mish-mash" of thoughts needs to get summed up and finished. To be honest, there was a lot more "stuff" going on in my mind than I wrote here on this page. But these were apparently the more prevalent thoughts. It is good to get this off my chest.

Summary:

1. When someone has lost a loved one, let them talk about that person. They may need to talk.
2. Don't think the grieving person doesn't want to hear their loved one's name or see his picture, or know that other people remember him too. It helps them to know that the departed one is not forgotten.
3. Do go out of your way to let the grieving person know that you do care and that you are available to listen.  
4. Find creative ways to help the grieving person to remember their loved one...in happy, pleasant ways. 
5. It is okay to laugh and smile and think of funny things about the deceased. We all want to be remembered with happy thoughts.
6. Make every minute count when you are with your loved ones...don't put off telling them that you love them, cherish them, and that you care about the things that are important to them.

As you can tell, I am working through these different stages of grief mentioned in a previous post HERE.  I am writing these things in the hope that perhaps others may find help, whether they be grieving, or know someone who is. 

Thank you for taking the time to "listen" to this "mish-mash" of thoughts. May you also be able to say:

 "This is the the day that the Lord has made! I WILL rejoice and be glad in it!" (Psalm 118:24)

  

I Know I Need to Write Something...

Okay, I know, I'm getting way behind in my writing AND my reading of other blog posts. I do apologize, but I think most of you know I've been going through some difficult days lately.  And somehow I can't seem to get back in the groove of writing.  I look at this blank page and my mind seems to be just as blank.  I've had plenty of things happening that I probably should write about, but the words just won't come.  I think grief does that to us.

The grieving process is not something I really want to go through. However, whether I like it or not, it is happening.   Rather than write a whole dissertation about the stages of grief, I thought perhaps I would look up some things that are already written and give some links for you (and me) to check out.  You may see yourself in this information...and I may see myself as well.  So here goes:

 1.  Click here for the "5 Stages of Loss Grief" from Psychcentral.com

 2.  http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

 3.  http://www.drchristinahibbert.com/dealing-with-grief/5-stages-of-grief/

 4.  Wikipedia article on the Kubler-Ross Model of Grief

These are just a few of the articles I discovered when I googled "Stages of Grief".  I am sure there are many more, but these definitely hit the highlights.

One thing I am certain of, when we experience the loss of a loved one, whether it be through death, divorce, or other kinds of difficult separation...we will each one experience grief in one form or another.  What I am discovering is that it may be different for each individual, but regardless of the order in which it happens, or the severity of the grief itself, sooner or later every person suffering a loss will grieve.  It may take you by surprise.  You may not recognize that your behavior and thought process has changed in subtle ways.  You may deny that you are grieving at all.  You may think it is a sign of weakness or lack of faith that you are feeling the way you are.  Or you may become critical of others who show more outward signs of grieving and may think that they need to "get over it".  Just because you are not demonstrating your grief for others to notice does not mean that you are not grieving internally.  Actually, I believe the ones who open up and let it out will be healthier in the long run than those who try to stifle the grief and hold it inside.  Sooner or later it will catch up with you, possibly manifesting itself in physical illness, emotional breakdown, or depression.

I find writing to be good therapy for grief...and perhaps this article is meant to do just that...provide therapy for myself.  I also believe that we should try to turn our grief into some kind of positive action.  Some may not be able to do that for awhile, but the sooner we can reach out in some way to use our grief experience to encourage and help others going through a similar trial, the better we will feel.

One thing our family is doing has been very healing for us.  What started out as a simple little memorial to honor our loved one has become a family and friend project that has developed into a place of comfort and peace for anyone who wants to share the experience.

First my husband wanted a simple plaque that read, "In Loving Memory of Matthew E. Steiner", and he wanted it placed in our yard, just as a reminder to never forget our son and brother.

Then, I thought there needed to be more than just a plaque that really didn't identify exactly WHAT was in loving memory, so I said we needed to place the sign in a garden or some special location in our yard that would be designated as a place of remembrance.

Next, our sons thought we needed a place to actually sit and pray or meditate on God's Word, or read or just enjoy the peacefulness of the place. So the carpenter son went to work:

 And soon our grandson arrived from Maine and got right into the action.  This was also very therapeutic for him as the memorial was indeed being built in loving memory of his father, our son.

 It was determined that benches were needed so we could actually sit and enjoy this lovely space, so pretty soon benches were being added...

 And here we are testing them.

Next, flowers were added:

And then, thanks to a wonderfully talented and kind friend, a very special wind chime was created that actually represents our son in a unique way:

 

The Dove of Peace

A Maine Moose

A Fish

The Wind Chimes

A beautiful sunburst

Family coming together to hang the chimes

A place of peace and quiet and prayerful meditation

 I have already benefited from this little sanctuary. As often as I am able, I slip away from the noise and busyness of housework and people and simply sit there and relax.  I can hear the birds singing in the treetops surrounding me, the bees buzzing in the honeysuckle vines, and squirrels chattering back and forth, warning the others that a human has invaded their space for awhile. A gentle breeze stirs the leaves and causes the chimes to sing, reminding me of my precious son who just left this world for the heavens above.

Yes, I am still grieving for him. I am sure that I will be grieving for some time.

I don't expect I will EVER forget him...and I don't really need this space to remind me of him.

But it is a pleasant place, and it helps sooth my sorrowing heart.

I can talk to God here...and that makes me feel closer to Matthew as well.

This reminds me of an old hymn that I dearly love.  Why don't you sing along with me?

"In The Garden"

Written by C. Austin Miles, 1912

"I come to the garden alone,

while the dew is still on the roses,

And the voice I hear,

Falling on my ear,

The Son of God discloses.

(Chorus:)

And He walks with me, 

and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known.

He speaks, and the sound of His voice

Is so sweet the birds hush their singing,

And the melody 

That He gave to me,

Within my heart is ringing.

(Chorus)

I'd stay in the garden with Him

Tho' the night around me be falling,

But He bids me go;

Thro' the voice of woe

His voice to me is calling.

(Chorus:)

And He walks with me, 

and He talks with me,

And He tells me I am His own;

And the joy we share as we tarry there,

None other has ever known."

I hope you have found this a balm for your heart today...I know it has done me a lot of good.  I knew I needed to write something...