What Do You See Outside YOUR Open Window Today?

What Do You See Outside YOUR Open Window Today?
Remember: "When God closes a door, He always opens a window!" You never know what might be out there waiting for you!

Friday, January 3, 2014

RJD: Discerning God's Will

I was about to give up on writing anything for this month's Random Journal Day...I really don't have a large number of old journals like most of my writing friends.  My journal writing has been pretty much hit and miss for the past few years...and so much of what I wrote in the earlier years seems dated...or has too much personal information to share. So to share something at random is a bit risky for me.  Therefore, I must confess, I do read over the posts carefully before sharing.  But I think I finally found something. So here I sit at my computer desk, with a blank screen before me, and my journal open and ready for perusal.

This particular entry was written on Friday, May 3, 1985.  I was full of stuff to say on this particular day, as this journal entry was eight pages long! Don't worry, I'm not going to share all of it...just the parts that are "shareable".

To give you a little history...we were in a place of ministry, but my husband was searching for a different place to minister where he would feel more fulfilled. We had been looking for a while, and things just weren't developing as we had hoped they would.  Here is what I wrote in my prayer conversation (monologue?) with God:

"No, not a perfect church--there is no such place on earth.  But I do believe there can be a perfect situation for us..a place where we can be fulfilled in our life's calling to the ministry.  Lord, You know where that place is.  Please, Lord, unlock the door.  Open the gates of Your love and mercy shown to us in the past.  Perhaps we are not yet worthy of the place we'd like to be...Yes, I'm sure we aren't...but Lord, if You waited on Your servants to be worthy of their calling, would anything ever be done?

Lord, we know we're not worthy to be called Your children even, let alone your chosen servants, but Lord, with You helping us and strengthening us--we can do all things through Christ Who strengthens us.  Lord God, it is Christ Who makes us worthy of our calling...it is His blood that makes us worthy to be called a child of the King.  Lord, I can't sit here and fool You...You know my thoughts and my desires.  I pray You do not judge me too harshly.  Lord, I am willing to go where You want me to go...just give me wisdom to discern what is Your will, and not my own will.  But Lord, Your Word teaches us that if we have the faith the size of a mustard seed...and say to that mountain, "be ye removed,"  it shall be done of my heavenly Father.

Lord, I'm asking You to remove the barriers that stand between us and joyful service in Your kingdom.  I'm not even sure what they are, but You know.  Help us Lord, to be all that You want us to be...and to do what You want us to do.  I don't want to be selfish and demand like a spoiled child that You give me my desires...but I do believe that if "we delight ourselves in the Lord, You will give us the desires of our hearts."
Maybe that's the key...maybe we're not delighting in You enough.  Forgive me, Lord, and help me to delight in You.  I want to be joyful in Thee.  It's not You, Lord, that I'm disappointed in, or maybe I'm fooling myself...if I'm not contented with what You've done for me, then maybe I'm not contented with You.  Forgive me, Lord, I didn't mean to be discontented.  I know You've provided abundantly, and with much love You have always showered Your blessings on us.  I'm sorry, Lord.  I've not been very grateful lately.  But Lord, something is missing in my soul.  I can't quite put my finger on it.  Perhaps I've neglected too much in communication with You.  I know that's true.  Help me, Lord to correct that.  I'm not fit to be in this position, and here I'm desiring a better one.  Forgive me, Lord.

But Lord, I need some positive reinforcement...no, maybe not...maybe I need chastening.  I guess I'm just confused.  Jesus, I need Your help and guidance...not MY will, but Thine be done, on earth as it is in heaven.  Lord, I have confidence that You WILL see us through...You WILL have YOUR way in our lives...You won't cast us away.  You've bought us with a price, and we are valuable in Your sight.  Use us today, Lord.  Keep us on the right track. "Guide me, oh, Thou Great Jehovah."

Thank you, Lord, for your healing balm...that soothes my soul and makes me whole.  Oh God, in THEE Do We Trust!  Amen!"


Postscript:  Within about three months from this writing we were called to a better situation.  God did hear our prayers and answered abundantly.  I still had a lot to learn about faith and God's will, but He chose to continue the lessons with love and mercy. He's still teaching me...and "strengthening" me in the process...my One Word for 2014...funny how it keeps popping up....part of God's design? Yep. 


Now go visit with my other journaling friends and see what they've been up to.  http://beneaththesurface-dawn.blogspot.com/2014/01/happy-new-year-and-1st-random-journal.html

14 comments:

  1. I can hear the deep yearning to do God's will and to please Him in this journal entry Pam. He is so good and so ready to bless us in large and small ways. Thanks for sharing this bit of your history. Susie

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    1. I am certain you understand this prayer/yearning probably more than others, since we have shared a very similar history. I believe you also know just how faithful our God is to hear our prayers and answer them, in HIS time, in His way...the best way! It's something we keep learning over and over and over as travel through this life. When we reach Heaven's Gate, our yearning and travels will be over...and we will have finally arrived safely at HOME.

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  2. Wow, pretty vulnerable, Pam. It's a hard spot--being where you don't want to be, wanting to be joyful anyway, wanting to honor Him. It is about being content, isn't it? He saw and heard your heart. I love that what felt long then is now just part of your history. Isn't that amazing?

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    1. Yes, it always seems "darkest before the dawn"... and I wish I could say that after that particular moment in time I never yearned for anything more ever again...but that would not be true. But God continues to be patient with us and hears our cries...and lovingly cares for us in His time and His way...which is always the right way...and on time! Thinking of you and praying for your full recovery and strength in this new year. So happy to see your smiling face here again!

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  3. I like how you humbly asked God and several months later he led you to a good situation.

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    1. God is always faithful even when we do not feel like we are worthy. He lovingly cares for His children and gives us the best gifts...we just don't always recognize that until later. I'm so thankful He never gives up on us!

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  4. Love seeing that open journal! What an expressive, beautiful prayer. Rich with grace and truth, humility, sincere seeking. How can this not be pleasing to Our Father? ! So glad you are still jumping in, it would not be the same without you. Feel free to take smaller snippets from your journals to elaborate on, too, if you feel you are pressured. I know some of your older ones have been such beautiful snapshots into your live and timeline, but that is a lot to put together. Give yourself permission to take it easy. We treasure your portion! Love and hugs!

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    1. Thank you Dawn. I am glad that you decided to keep this RJD going this year. I believe we all need it to stretch our faith and grow in our trust of God to take our humble offerings and use them for His glory...even many years later. I love that. I feel so blessed this morning to see that so many were touched by this prayer conversation with God that took place almost 29 years ago! Who would have thought that would even be possible back then? Certainly not me...I never dreamed anyone but God and me would ever see this. I'm so grateful to God for HIS never ending faithfulness to His children. He never lets go.

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  5. Thanks for sharing this with us today,Pam. It meant alot to me. I am somewhere in that place now in my journey. I have been sick with the flu the last few days and find myself seeking God's strength and will in this. Please pray for my healing spiritually and physically. You have touched me with your words of encouragement to never stop believing God hears our crys and will answer in His timing...it is always the best for us.
    hugs,Sylvia

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    1. My dear Sylvia, I am so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I pray that God's strength will indeed be your strength, today and forever. May He touch your body with His healing power and renew your strength like the eagle. God is faithful. He hears your cries and sees your heart. He is with you today. You are in my prayers. God bless you today my sweet friend. (((hugs)))

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  6. I enjoyed reading as you poured your heart out to God and how He answered you...what a joyful testimony, Pam.

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    1. Yes, I love that about God...He always hears us and answers, in His time and His way. It may not always be the answer we want, but we can be assured it is the right answer all the time. Thank you for coming by today. God's blessings be yours today.

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  7. Pam: This is a very tender journal entry. Thank you for being so transparent. God did hear and answer your request. Sometimes we have to be very honest with God in order for Him to act on our petitions.

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    1. I can say that I've had many more such conversations (prayers) with God in the years since that day...different circumstances, but always with sincere desire to be in God's will regardless of the outcome. He always answers our prayers...sometimes it isn't exactly what we hoped for or expected, but always for our best in the long run.

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