This particular entry comes from Thursday, December 27, 2001,(excerpts) followed by Tuesday, January 22, 2002...Here is what I wrote...
(Dec. 27, 2001):
"I just re-read the entries in this little book that I've written throughout this past year--God was truly ministering to me during those days of convalescence from my surgery. I see that I haven't written anything since going back to work in May...So much for goals and keeping up with writing! But I guess it has been all I could do over the past six months to keep up with house and home and work~let alone try to write a book! I really haven't the physical energy~as well as the spiritual power necessary to write all that was on my heart. Looking back, I realize that I have been in a real emotional fog for most of this year. I wish I could say that the fog has totally dissipated and I am walking fully in the sunlight at this time. But I cannot honestly say that. Each day seems to bring new challenges to my faith and mind. There are days that I find myself wishing there were some means of 'escape'. And yet, I know that is not what God would want for me. I know I must persevere and remain faithful to His calling on my life. To quit now would show a lack of trust and faith.
Lord, You know I believe, but help my unbelief...I am only human, after all. There are days that I fear that I will either lose my mind or my life~but then I remember that God is able to sustain me throughout all of my life~in all circumstances. I need not fear what man may do to me~I am safe in the arms of Jesus. He continues to carry me and protect me. Praise God! Jesus NEVER fails!
(January 22, 2002):
'Has the Lord as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the Lord? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed than the fat of rams. For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry. Because you have rejected the word of the Lord, He has also rejected you from being king.'
Although this was directed to King Saul, it has application for us today. I know that I must obey the voice of the Lord in all things, in every area of my life~regardless of what sacrifices may have to be made. Sometimes it is easier to say, "But Lord, look at the sacrifices I've already made to serve You"....and God says, "Yes, child, I know you have been faithful in many things~but you must continue to Obey Me and Trust Me in all ways! Don't give in to the "martyr syndrome"...keep your eyes fixed on Me, Jesus, the Author and finisher of your faith..."Who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." (Hebrews 12:2)
A song I am listening to right now as I write this, "Where There is Faith"...by 4Him:
"Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you, not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27
Isaiah 26:3-4: "You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You. Trust in the Lord forever, for in YAH, the LORD, is everlasting strength."
This was the last entry written in this particular journal. It was a long time before I started writing again...so many things were going on in my life and I didn't feel like writing it all down at the time. Thankfully God has restored my desire and joy in writing...it has been a healing balm in so many ways. I trust that others who may now be reading what has been on my heart in the past and now the present will find His PRESENCE in these words...and find hope and rest and peace for your own souls. Amen.